


The Courtship of Jon Walker

by Scribewraith



Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Bandom Big Bang, Bandom Big Bang 2008, M/M, Multi, Polygamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-01
Updated: 2008-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-15 18:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scribewraith/pseuds/Scribewraith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Jon's birthday and he gets the best present of all: Spencer. Unbeknownst to him Spencer also comes with two husbands and three kids.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Courtship of Jon Walker

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired while watching _Big Love_ one night and thinking which one of the Panic boys would be which wife. I could so see Brendon as Bill with his husband Ryan and the crisis which brought Spencer into the family. Jon, of course, had to be Margene who really brings them all together.
> 
> My take on polygamous Mormonism, and even every day American life, is totally third hand and I hope that no one minds my light paint brush. You can blame wiki (and me) for my innacuracies. For me, the religious side of polygamy isn't the interesting bit but rather the way polygamy all fits together and that's what _Courtship_ is about. The Mormonism acts as a frame.
> 
> I'd like to thank a couple of people in particular for their help with this story. Ivy_says, 0bake and momebie for their tireless beta'ing. I owe you all outtakes ;). And Minna who's my sister-wife (although without the being actually married) and who has listened and helped me to shape this into a whole story.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it!

+++  
1.  
Jon turns thirty-five on a Thursday. It's not his favourite day of the week - there's still one day left of classes before the weekend - but it's not the day he dreads the most either. That's a toss-up between Tuesday, when there's nothing good on TV and he's already spent most of the weekend over at Ryan's place, so he can't _really_ go visit again; or Sunday, when he has to go to home and to bed early to get ready for classes the next day.

The day passes pretty quickly. His Mom calls before he leaves for work. They chat for a while and she apologises, again, for not being able to make it to his birthday party. When he gets off the phone he heads into school where he has two classes with juniors and gets to spend the afternoon teaching photography techniques to his senior class. When he first went to college he had all these great plans about becoming a professional photographer, so he's always excited when he actually teaches it.

Lunch brings Ryan, and a mocha-flavoured cake. "Spencer made it," Ryan says off-handedly. "He had to keep Brendon away from the icing. Uh, he didn't want him to know about the coffee flavouring." Everyone in the staffroom gets a piece and for once Jon gets to sit and enjoy it. Greta, the other art teacher, traded his turn giving him the best birthday present of all: he has no playground duty.

Ryan drives him home as usual and waves as he drops him in front of his apartment complex. He gets in and turns his TV on; there's nothing really to watch but he has no plans for the rest of the night. Tom calls him just as he's settling down with some random reality show, to give him the flight details for the next day, and Jon is scribbling them down to put up on his fridge when the door bell rings. He takes the three steps across his tiny apartment to the door and opens it. He's kind of surprised to see Spencer, but as he's still on the phone he just waves Spencer in and then closes the door with his hip. Spencer shifts uncomfortably, obviously unsure what to do with himself as Jon _hmms_ into the phone.Jon points at Spencer and then over to the couch in the centre of the room. He then points at the phone as he mouths "Tom".

Spencer takes off his jacket and scarf as he sits down. Jon stays where he is, leaning against the door ,and he just nods distractedly at Tom's voice; he likes to look at Spencer. Tonight Spencer's wearing a pair of girl-fit jeans and a faded pink t-shirt. Jon can't make out the print from where he's standing, but it's probably either something innocuous or ironic. He thinks he's seen Brendon wearing something similar last time they went out for dinner, leaving their boys at home with a babysitter. Jon winds up the call with a mumbled "Spence's here," and Tom tells him to 'have a _really_ good night, then'.

"Hey. Can I get you a coffee or something?" Jon asks after he's put the phone down and made sure that the flight details are under a magnet on his fridge. He wasn't expecting to see Spencer until the weekend; it's not one of their usual nights to go out. Brendon's working and Ryan's got marking, so he's kind of surprised that Spencer isn't at home watching the boys. He turns the kettle on and gets two cups out of the cupboard.

"Sure," Spencer sits back into the seat, making himself more comfortable. "So, I've been delegated to make sure you have a good birthday."

"Okay." Jon replies. He pours milk into both cups and hands one over to Spencer before sitting across from him. The couch isn't that big, but Jon doesn't want to crowd Spencer, doesn't want to seem desperate to touch, so he sits as far away as he can without making it obvious.

"Well, what do you want to do then?" Spencer takes a sip from his cup and sighs. "I haven't had coffee in days. Brendon's got this…thing." Jon nods. He doesn't know what Brendon's thing is but he has noticed that there's never anything caffeinated in their house. Ryan always goes straight for the coffee machine when he gets into the staff room, and sighs in pretty much the same way Spencer just did.

"I don't know. I hadn't thought about it." Jon says grinning. It looks like he's got Spencer to himself for a few hours. It's kind of a cool birthday present.

+++  
2.

Ryan knows that he should be at home marking English essays, but he hasn't seen Brendon all week. He parks the car in the spot marked 'Manager', just beside the door to the storeroom at the back. He could go around to the front, past all the patrons but instead he just waves at Alex and Marshall who are sitting on the steps, smoking, as he walks past. Brendon isn't in his office, and with Alex outside, Ryan can probably guess where he is. The sound of _Baby, Hit Me One More Time_ coming from the dance floor, confirms his suspicions. Nobody else would be game to play Britney unironically at seven on a Thursday night. The hipsters, trying to forget that they have one more day of work before the weekend, and the students from UNLV that frequent the bar are pretty used to Brendon's antics by now and there's laughter and people singing along.

Someone catches his wrist and yells, "Hey Ryan, watcha doing?" into his ear. Ryan turns to say hello. It could be anyone; between Spencer's stint in Phantom Planet and the years Brendon has worked here, their family is a bit of a fixture in the Vegas scene.

"Hi, Shane," Ryan leans in and yells back, "just going to steal my husband." He grins. Shane is one of his favourite people, one of the first people to have Brendon's back when he arrived in Vegas, kicked out by his family at seventeen.

Shane lets go of his wrist and pats him on the shoulder. "Cool. We don't see you as much as we used to. I'll be there on Saturday though. I can bring some people, right?"

Ryan nods.

Sometimes being a teacher sucks. He enjoys the job, mostly, and he gets to see Jon every day which has made it a world of better but it means that there are a lot of things that he doesn't get to do. He doesn't come out to the club as much as he'd like, he doesn't get to spend as much time with Brendon as he likes.

Ryan reaches down and gives Shane a hug and moves on. He gets past the bar without any other distractions from his path and then he can see Brendon in the DJ booth as he crosses the dance floor. Ryan knows Brendon won't be in there long; he's just covering for Alex before he heads to the bar or out the back to check on stock quantities. Brendon likes his job - it's hard and he's always busy - but when he comes home after a long shift and falls into the bed between Ryan and Spencer, or behind one of them if they've curled up too tightly together, he'll kiss them both and then sleep like a log.

Brendon used to be restless, when they first met, constantly jumping around looking for things to keep himself busy, working too many jobs just trying to keep his head above water after he had been kicked out of home. When he was offered the managing job by Pete, who had run the record store that was Brendon's first favourite job, he had thrown himself into it, trying to prove that he was worth something. When Ryan had become sick, working at the club had helped Brendon hold it together, at least until it was so bad that Spencer had given everything up to come home to them. Ryan was still happy that Pete had signed the club over to Brendon after he went back to Chicago.

The door to the DJ booth is open; it's just a gate with a bench on it that people can lean in, yelling across the music to make requests. There's no one standing waiting so Ryan leans across and unlatches it, letting himself in. Brendon is humming along to the music, headphone held against his ear as he's cueing the next track. After Brendon presses the button that will send the mp3 into the queue, Ryan steps up against him and pushes his hand up under the button-down shirt Brendon's wearing. Brendon yelps and turns around. It could only be one of two people, Ryan thinks, but he's glad that Brendon's smile turns kind of gooey when he realises who it is.

"Ry," Brendon says, "What are you doing here?" He slips his arms onto Ryan's shoulder, giving them just enough space so that his wrists end up hanging behind Ryan's neck. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be doing that marking?" he asks. Ryan grins and pushes himself forward, pushing Brendon back against the table. Ryan's thumbs fit into Brendon's belt loops and even though they're both kind of tiny and usually Brendon's just a little bit stronger, more active then he is, Ryan gets a buzz at being able to move him about like that. He pushes up and against Brendon, tilting his neck up to kiss. The groan he gets as Brendon leans in to take the kiss deeper is really satisfying.

The music suddenly stops playing and there's the sound of people crying "Woo," up at the DJ box and Brendon suddenly pulls away, blushing and saying "shit" repeatedly. Ryan grins, watching, and unconsciously brings his hand up to his mouth, holding their kiss in place. Brendon jumps around the box, pressing play on the next track, and grabbing a disc at random to cue the track after that. As soon as he's got everything back in order, he turns back to Ryan and wags his finger at him. "I'll be finished in five. Alex was just taking lunch, uh, dinner... whatever." Ryan leans against the bench to watch while Brendon keeps changing discs. They stay like this until Alex gets back, Brendon constantly touching Ryan, on the arm, hip, just to make sure he hasn't gone anywhere.

Alex waves them away with headphones already in place and people queuing up to make requests. Ryan grins when Brendon pouts at the two girls waiting at the gate. Alex is pretty hot and seriously, Brendon's pretty taken. If it's not Ryan, it's Spencer standing so close they can nearly touch. Jon's been around more and more lately, Brendon randomly hanging off him and jumping on him until they both end up on the ground, giggling.

"How long do I have you for?" Brendon asks before Ryan gets a chance to say anything. "I can take my break now, I think." Brendon glances around the club and he can see the staff all waving Brendon and Ryan away before Brendon even tries to go over and check whether anyone needs anything.

"As long as you like. I can do my marking later. Or tomorrow. And Spencer's off with Jon, and the boys are fine, so you can have me for as long as you like." Brendon reaches down and tangles their fingers together and drags him towards the door.

"We'll be back in half an hour," Brendon tells Zack, the bouncer, "I've got my phone." Zack just nods at them and continues to check for IDs, marking the underaged kids with a giant sharpie cross.

"So, food," Brendon says, "I'm starving." He's still pulling Ryan along, nearly skipping as the cold air hits their skin.

Ryan's glad he wore the scarf with his peacoat. It's just cold enough that the extra layer makes a difference. Brendon's old Pussycat Dolls hoodie is so worn and tattered that the print can barely be made out. It still keeps him just warm enough where Ryan's hands rest against his skin. Brendon's fingers poke through the cuffs and when they're sitting down at the café across the road he picks at the hem. "Should we call Jon and Spencer and see if they want to meet us?" Brendon asks. Ryan shakes his head.

"Nah, they're probably doing something exciting for his birthday." Ryan wants to say _and I miss you, I haven't seen you in forever_ but he doesn't really need to.

He knows he gets to see Spencer more, which is great but he does miss Brendon. Ryan gets a little frustrated, sometimes, that their schedules don't match, that he works during the day and that Brendon's at the club most nights. Sometimes he even resents that Spencer doesn't need to work, that he's home when he gets there and that he gets to spend time during the day with Brendon. Mostly he's just glad that Spencer loves him enough to stick around even though it might seem like they don't need him like they used to.

When they'd married Spencer, and after Ryan had gotten better, they had all agreed that they would make time for each other. It's just that they've all been so busy lately, with planning Jon's birthday, and Jon being around most of the time, and he loves it, really - loves Jon, really - but he would just like to see Brendon once in a while.

"Like playing cards?" Brendon asks, because that's what Spencer always says that Jon and he have been doing when they go out together. It's Las Vegas after all and it's either that or strippers.

"Of course," Ryan replies.

+++  
3.

Jon opens the door for Spencer at the restaurant, and it would make Spencer feel like he was a girl if this was a Date but it's not so he just walks past Jon and pokes him in the side.

"I'm not a girl," Spencer says, drawing attention to the obvious, and Jon grins back at him.

"I know."

They've come to a small Italian restaurant and the owner seems to know Jon; he looks surprised to see Jon head towards a table at the back and Spencer figures that this must be where Jon gets food when he's not over their place. The owner, a large Italian man, comes over with a bottle of water and two menus.

"Jon," he says, "I see you're going to actually eat at our tables tonight. Do I need to ask what you're going to order?"

Spencer shrugs at Jon and says, "Go ahead." Spencer's not picky and he never went straight-edge, even though most of his band had been vegan at one stage or another and he and Ryan had never really gotten into drinking. He's seen Jon drunk a couple of times now, like the last time Tom had come to visit, and Jon's kind of cute and cuddly when he gets a little tipsy. It's his birthday, and his restaurant, and Spencer's here to make him happy.

Jon looks like he's about to wring his hands in preparation for a great battle but then he looks across at Spencer and nods as if he's been entrusted with a great task. "Well, no. But could you bring out a bottle of wine. It's my birthday, and Spencer, here, is helping me celebrate."

"Your birthday? Why, Jon, you didn't tell us? Maria will be disappointed that she didn't get to make you a cake. We'll have to see what we can do." He winks at both of them and goes through to the kitchen with their order.

The restaurant isn't too busy. It's a Thursday night and it's still pretty early. People drift up to the counter, make an order and drift back out pretty regularly but there is a family group in the corner laughing happily as they eat. While they wait for the food, Jon tells him a story about a prank he and Tom got up to while they were still at school. Jon's eyes are lit up and he gestures wildly and there's a moment as he leans in, shoulders on the table and his chin resting on his hands, when Spencer forgets that this isn't a Date. There's a sudden sharp sound of laughter from the family in the corner and for a second Spencer forgets that he's not at home, married, and looks around to catch the joke, before realising that it's not his family, his husbands and their boys. Spencer drops his hands to the table and leans back, breaking their intimacy for a second.

Jon doesn't seem to notice, just continues talking until their food is brought to the table. Spencer wasn't sure what he had expected, Italian, sure, and pasta maybe because it's not-a-Date, but the pizza which gets brought out is nearly as large as the table. For a second Spencer looks down at his clothes. It's not like he had dressed up but he really likes this shirt - well he likes it when he gets to wear it, anyway – and then he looks down at the pizza, mozzarella dripping over the pepperoni and tomato toppings. Jon's looking expectantly at him so he reaches down for a piece, grease dripping onto his fingers, and takes a bite. It's good. Ok, he's not really surprised, Jon enjoys good food – it's not a coincidence that Spencer makes the lasagna that Jon complimented when he knows he's coming over – so Spencer just gives him a thumbs up and finishes the slice.

They're just about finished their pizza and ready to go, when everyone in the restaurant goes quiet. Jon starts blushing so Spencer turns around to see what's going on. The staff have come out with a cake covered with sparklers and they're all crowding around their table to sing Happy Birthday. Spencer joins in, laughing as Jon tries to cut through the cake ending up with the icing all over his hand and shirt. For a second Jon looks at him, thumb stretched out, and Spencer wants to know what it tastes like but he turns away and when he glances back Jon's talking to one of the waitresses and licking the chocolate from his thumb. It goes straight through Spencer. He coughs and grabs the glass of water in front of him trying to distract himself.

Jon's hot. Spencer knows that. And he's friendly and calm, both things that are great to be around when Spencer's main contact with people other than the boys are a hyper-active Brendon and a hyper-tense Ryan. He loves them both, deeply, but sometimes it's nice to just be relaxed around someone, to just be one of the boys, even.

After they finish eating Jon talks to the staff, telling them about his plans for the weekend and inviting them to the party after a quick questioning glance towards Spencer. Spencer gets up; he knows it's a little silly to sneak away to pay but it's Jon's birthday and it's his treat and if he presents it fait accompli then Jon won't be able to even offer to pay. It's not like he can't afford it - they have three incomes to Jon's one - and he's under strict instructions.

Jon comes up just as he's finishing and puts his hand on Spencer's back. "Hey, I was going to do that. You shouldn't have to."

"I know." Spencer says, not moving away. Brendon gets to leap all over Jon, he thinks, why can't I just have this for a second? He turns to face Jon, putting his wallet into his pocket and that's when Jon's hand drops. "I'm under strict instructions, we're all shouting."

"Oh." Jon says and brings his hand up to the back of his head, rubbing gently. "Thanks, I guess."

Spencer nudges him and then pushes him towards the door, "Where next Birthday boy? I don't have to be home and you don't have to be home till at least midnight, right?"

Jon nods. "Cards?" he asks.

Spencer grins, and replies "Cards it is."

The thing is that neither Brendon or Ryan have a clue what they get up to when they sneak off together but the first time that they had all gone bowling, Brendon had gotten excited every time he hit a ball and Ryan had gotten a little competitive. When he and Jon play it's a fun game, they're about on par for scoring and without the boys or Brendon there they can have a couple of drinks.

Spencer nearly bought Jon a pair of his own bowling shoes for his birthday but it would take too much explaining and they would be probably be found out when Brendon begged Jon to be told about his presents. Instead he's put in for the present that they're all giving him on Saturday. And he's got a surprise planned too. He's good at keeping secrets, he likes having a bit of his life that is all his, and there's a lot with Jon that he needs to keep secret. Like his big gay crush. And his marriage.

They pull into the bowling rink and he goes to book a lane and get their shoes, leaving Jon to go to the bar and grab them both a beer. Cash is behind the counter and he grins as he pulls out their shoes. "Not your usual night," he says.

Spencer grins back and pulls out his wallet to pay for a lane, "No. It's Jon's birthday tonight," he says.

"Really. Oh yeah, I saw something about that up at the club. That's why Brendon won't be there, right?" Cash selects a lane on the screen in front of them: nine, their favourite - right down the end where none of the other bowlers can see them make fools of themselves if they play badly.

"Yeah, we'll all be at ours. Are you going to come?" He's pretty sure at this point that Brendon or Jon have invited everyone they've ever met to come. Cash nods. It should be a good crowd and sometimes he misses having so many people around. He had gotten used to having no space to himself while he was touring but he'll be looking forward to Monday, when the yard's been cleaned and the house is back to normal, just as much.

"Here, I've booked you a couple of games so you guys don't have to go anywhere. "Cash looks over his shoulder and then leans across the wide counter. "So have you guys hooked up yet?" he asks.

"Uh." Spencer sputters.

"Because Marshall said he saw you guys at the club dancing, and you've been dating for months now, right? So Marshall said that he thought that you guys were, probably, and when you came in tonight..."

"Uh." Spencer's a little shocked. "We're not dating."

"But it's been months since Cassie broke up with him, and he's obviously into you." Cash moves back and looks over his shoulder, "Oh, hey Jon," he grins just as Spencer feels something cold against the back of his neck.

"Ick," he says turning to push the wet bottle away. He passes Jon his shoes and continues, "He's given us lane nine."

"Cool," Jon says. "Is it my turn to pay?"

"Nah, I've got it," Spencer passes over the money and Cash raises an eyebrow at him before giving him his change.

"Happy Birthday, Jon," he says, "Done anything special?"

"Depends on whether you call teaching twenty three kids the difference between realism and surrealism special," he laughs, "Actually, my Mom called and my best friend's coming from Chicago for the weekend, so it shouldn't be too bad a thirty-fifth birthday. Are you guys coming?"

"Sure, Spencer and I were just talking about it." Cash turns to Spencer and asks, "You guys live in the big house at the end of Reynold Avenue, right?" Spencer nods. "Cool, we'll be there." There's someone coming in, they all hear the whoosh of the automatic doors open, and Cash says, "Hey, look, customers and on a Thursday, better do some work," he waves his fingers at them and then turns to serve the family that are bustling around behind Jon and Spencer.

Spencer's never thought about the way they must seem to outsiders. Ryan and Brendon are married, he lives with them and they all have kids. They're a family, he knows that, but he guesses he can see how it must look like he's available to everyone outside. Jon's the only person who's really gotten close to any of them, and he doesn't know everything, Spencer thinks it's not just his secret to tell. Jon works with Ryan and he comes to the club with Brendon and Spencer and he's over their house as often as not. Spencer's not really surprised that people think they're dating even if they haven't said anything. It's not like Jon could be dating Brendon or Ryan, right?

Spencer's not sure how he wants to deal with this and so he walks over to the lane, takes off his shoes, drinks a sip of his beer, puts on the new shoes and starts a new game without thinking about it.

"You okay?" Jon asks, reaching out to touch him, rubbing his shoulder and Spencer leans into it enjoying for a second something that could just be all about him. Because he knows that Jon could be interested, of course he knows. Jon smiles too long, and touches him when he doesn't need to. He does that with Brendon and Ryan, too, but with him, Spencer knows, it's different, slower, more tentative. Like maybe something could come of it.

"Just something Cash said," Spencer replies, "Nothing to worry about." Nothing that he is going to worry about, anyway, Spencer thinks. "Come on, lets play cards."

+++  
4.

"Ryan," Brendon calls out quietly into the house. He toes his shoes off as he closes the door behind him. It's just after one and he's pretty sure that Ryan will still be awake, doing the marking he skipped to have dinner with him. Brendon's keys go into the bowl by the door and he drops his satchel so that it rests against the table. He's going to drag Ryan into the shower and then into bed. There's no response so Brendon wanders through the house, past the kitchen and lounge, past the stairs and back to Ryan's study. He opens the door and looks in. Ryan's there, arms folded on the table and his head is resting on top of the marking. There's a cup of cooling tea, two tabs hanging out of the cup so Ryan can get as much caffeine as he can from the black tea.

Brendon grins. Ryan and Spencer sneak coffee as often as they can, he isn't worried about the minor temptations that they all fall into. Being with them is one of the hardest and most wonderful temptations that he has ever encountered. He knows that he is not following the Principles as he was taught, he can't and be in love with a man. He tries his best to bring their life in line with at least the spirit of the teachings, and he has a duty to his nephews, his sons, to teach them the ways that their mother would expect of him.

He leans down and presses a kiss to the back of Ryan's neck. "Hey sleepy head, wake up." Ryan grunts and then sits up blinking.

"What time is it?" Ryan asks.

"Just after one. Come on, there's a hot shower and a warm bed waiting for you upstairs." Brendon's a little disappointed, he was hoping to get laid before he went to sleep but Ryan's so cute like this, a little sleep-dopey, that he doesn't really mind. He helps him stand up and puts his arm around him as they walk up the stairs into the bathroom.

Brendon presses the button that turns the temperature to the exact heat that Ryan likes; he can put up with the scalding heat for the few minutes it will take to get them both clean. Ryan's pulling off his shirt and struggling with his socks, befuddled like he can't understand how to make them work. Brendon helps, pulling the socks off and then helping Ryan with his jeans. Brendon's hands linger for a second rubbing his fingers over Ryan's hipbone before he gets Ryan totally naked. He pushes Ryan into the shower and Ryan sighs, holding his hands out under the water before Ryan blinks and shakes his head.

"Oh, Brendon. Hi," he says. Brendon's brushing his teeth before getting in with him and so he just waves. "I was wondering when you'd get home." Ryan's covering his body with the shower gel that only he uses and Brendon watches enjoying the lazy way that Ryan's touching his own skin. Sometimes it strikes Brendon as a little odd that he still finds Ryan so hot after nearly fifteen years. Even though he was only 20 when they first started dating and even though they've fought, and nearly split up more than once, waking up next to Ryan is one of the things he has been grateful for every day. Finding Ryan was one of the few things that made being kicked off the compound worth it. Well, finding Ryan _and Spencer_.

He spits the toothpaste into the sink and puts his toothbrush away. They all have their rituals, his is teeth first then shower so that he can feel all warm and toasty before he gets into bed. Both Ryan and Spencer have their shower first, winding around each other as they reach for soap and shower gel and then for towels and toothbrushes. The way they unconsciously move in and out of each other's space is one of the things that he loves watching, it's like a choreographed dance and it's kind of sexy, particularly when he's at the centre of it all. It's also why he nearly didn't get Ryan, or Spencer, at all. He laughs about it now but he really had thought they were dating when he first met them, Spencer passing Ryan his coke without being asked, leaning into each other like they were a part of each other. Which, really, they are. He's just lucky that they let him in.

"Are you coming in, or are you just going to watch?" Ryan's quirking an eyebrow at him. "Because I could make it interesting," he continues, his hand drifting down to his stomach, tapping his fingers lightly against the light patch of hair below his belly button. "But it's better if you're here ... touching," Ryan whispers and Brendon grins, getting with the program. His clothes are already off, piled on the bathroom floor and they'll have to clean that up before Spencer gets home, asking why they couldn't take the three steps to throw them into the laundry basket, but right now he's going to get into that shower with Ryan.

He runs his hands up Ryan's chest deliberately touching his nipples before resting his hands behind Ryan's neck and reaching into kiss. It's sloppy, and slow. The shower's running and he's still half dry, sticking to Ryan where the water tries to slide between them. They kiss gently with the water running over them and it feels so nice to just be pressed up against Ryan, skin against skin. Ryan's the first to break, turning him so that Brendon's completely under the shower, water running into his eyes and he's now going to have to sleep with wet hair because as much as he wants this, he's going to be too tired to bother drying it. Ryan runs his fingers through Brendon's wet hair, looking at him affectionately and tracing the line of his jaw. In one motion Brendon's being pushed against the wall, Ryan under the spray now, and Ryan's licking his way into his mouth. Brendon's hands are resting on Ryan's chest, bracing himself, but Ryan's hands have moved quickly and with a groan, from Brendon, from Ryan, and Brendon's cock is hard and thrusting against the tight grip. Ryan knows how to do this now, Spencer knows how too, but each time it nearly breaks him with the way that it feels so good, so hard, so wet.

Ryan drops to his knees and licks him. Ryan's licking his thighs and his belly and his cock and Brendon is nothing more than the sensation. He has to say it now, because he won't last long. "Do you want to fuck me?" Ryan groans and looks up at him, tongue still, unconsciously, caressing his shaft. "Because if you want anything else…" He can see Ryan's thinking about it, he's slowed down, letting the pressure off, and then he's stopping, standing up and reaching past him to turn the shower off.

"Hurry up then," Ryan says and Brendon takes a deep breath. He's probably not going to actually get a shower tonight, but he's got time in the morning, so he smiles and grabs a towel to get rid of some of the damp before getting on their bed.

Their bathroom connects their two bedrooms: the one they all sleep in and the one that everyone else thinks is Spencer's. Ryan gets onto the bed, resting against the pillows and spreading his legs out so that he's on display, and Brendon crawls up the bed to touch. His hand traces Ryan's skin and rests on his chest as he brings his mouth down onto Ryan's cock. It's his turn to get Ryan hot and he runs his tongue along the shaft and then sucks as much into his mouth as he can.

He can feel Ryan shifting above him, reaching for the lube on the shelf above the bed and passing it down to him. They don't use condoms, one of the nice things about not having to worry about getting pregnant, and he and Ryan hadn't used them for years after they got first tested when they started dating. At least they hadn't until he and Spencer had first hooked up and there was a period where they had to wait while Spencer got himself cleared. Instead they have lube and a box of tissues on the shelf above the bed, easy to reach whenever they want. He takes it from the insistent wriggling underneath him that Ryan wants him tonight and he's more than willing to comply. He gets some lube on his fingers and tongues his way down Ryan's cock while he prepares Ryan's body. When he's ready, when they're both hot for it, he brings himself above Ryan and kisses him. Ryan's hand drops to guide him in and with a slow jolt he's inside. Ryan feels hot and smooth around him and they move together, slowly and then much faster, kissing and licking and moaning at each other until they're both spent and gasping.

They're still on the covers when he catches his breath and he opens his eye from where he fell on his back after. Ryan has turned over watching him and he reaches out his hand to rest on the centre of Brendon's chest. Brendon lifts Ryan's hand up and twines their fingers together, bouncing it gently. "I love you," Ryan whispers and Brendon smiles back.

"Me too," he says.

+++  
5.

They stumble through the door into Jon's apartment and for a second he's not sure how this is actually happening. Spencer has been a little strange all night, from flirtatious to reserved to brooding to this.

"Have you got any condoms?" Spencer whispers into his ear, barely breaking from kissing his neck. Jon nods, it's about all he can do. "Cool," Spencer murmurs and then looks around the room over Jon's shoulder, "Where?" Jon points to a box by the fold out bed he sleeps on. He hasn't replaced them since he and Cassie split up but there should still be one or two left there. It was one of the many things that he hadn't wanted to deal with, think about, in the aftermath, and it wasn't that long before he had become too busy with Ryan's family, with Brendon and Spencer, to even think about having sex with anyone else.

Spencer fists his shirt and walks him over to the couch, not bothering to pull the mattress out, just pushing Jon back against the cushions, and then Spencer's straddling him. "You don't know how much…" Spencer trails off and just looks down at him quiet, for a moment. Jon can see it in his eyes, the moment when Spencer's last bit of resolution is gone, where he decides to take what he wants, consequences be damned. It doesn't register for a second, and Jon's not quite sure why - why now, why Spencer needs to convince himself - but he knows that they're both going to be there in the morning. Anything that Spencer's worried about can be worked around, and really, if he's being really honest, he's selfish enough to take Spencer any way he can have him.

Jon's been a little in love with Spencer from the first moment he saw him, smiling like sunshine at Ryan. Spencer had been picking Ryan up after school one day when Ryan's car was broken. He had been confident, laughing, and he had reached a hand out to shake without breaking away from Ryan. Spencer had then offered Jon a lift home. Jon usually found his own way home but he wanted to know more and so he had gotten in. It had seemed a little stupid to refuse lifts from Ryan when he had gotten his car back and Jon had slowly been drawn into their lives. He knows that they're all close, that Spencer and Ryan love each other, like brothers, that Brendon adores them both, and that they all really like having Jon around. Jon's pretty certain that Ryan knows about his crush on Spencer even though they've never really talked about it.

Now, with Spencer stretched out above him, slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt and spreading the fabric out so he can see skin, Jon doesn't want to think about anything else.

Jon's jeans are getting tight and he wants to wriggle, to adjust, to open his pants and let Spencer touch him everywhere but he's not sure how much control he's allowed at the moment. Spencer tastes of beer and peanuts and ice cream from his birthday cake. Jon puts his hands on Spencer's hips, holding him in place and thrusts up - the pressure feels so good. Spencer moans into his mouth. Jon tries to lift up, to take his shirt off, and when Spencer sees what he's doing, he leans back, letting him, and pulls his own shirt up and over his head. Jon's fingers touch Spencer's chest and Spencer looks down at him, "You want this right?" he asks, and Jon nods again.

"Yeah," he says, "yeah."

Spencer grins then and traces a finger down his chest, tapping it before asking, "so, where are they?"

"Um," Jon mumbles and then shifts so that he can reach for the drawers beside the couch. Jon nearly dumps Spencer onto the floor so he reaches out and steadies Spencer. He sits up, more carefully, and reaches back across the side of the couch. Spencer takes this opportunity to undo his jeans and slip his hand into the front of Jon's boxers. He yelps and Spencer sniggers in response, but his yelp all too quickly turns into a moan at the feel of a hand firmly holding and moving all over him. Jon stretches into it, forgetting for a moment what he's doing but Spencer stops and cocks his eyebrow reminding Jon to get on with it. He grabs out the box of condoms and finds an old tube of lubricant, there's still some left in it.

"I haven't…" Jon starts not quite sure what to say: he hasn't had sex in months, he and Cassie had been over well before they had split up, or maybe he hasn't been with a guy in years, since college, and even that hadn't got as far as penetration. He wants this though, whatever Spencer wants he'll take, he's hard and Spencer's wrapped around him and Jon just wants.

"Oh," Spencer says. "What do you want to do then?"

"I just haven't in a while," Jon says not sure he really wants to decide, he likes Spencer's assertiveness, it's hot.

"Ok. Let me then," Spencer says and crawls further down the couch so that he's kneeling over him. The first feel of Spencer's mouth around him nearly sets him off but he thinks about something else, the photo on the wall beside him, spring in Chicago, anything else and then Jon's back in control of his own body. Spencer's tongue has been running all over him and it feels great, Jon could come from just this alone but he kind of wants more. Spencer's fingers are starting to move down and Jon starts to pull at his jeans to give him more access. Spencer gets the picture and moves so they can both get their shoes off and he's got his jeans off and Spencer's back on his cock, mouth and fingers moving as one.

Spencer gets the lube and slowly opens up his body. When Jon feels like he's about to break Spencer turns him over whispering, "this will be good", and moving him so there's a pillow raising his hips. He's trusting Spencer with this, with making it good, because Spencer is and Jon does trust him. Spencer's in him and it feels intense, his cock is rubbing against the fabric and Spencer's hand is coming down to touch him and Spencer's kissing his back gently. Jon can feel words, murmurs against his skin, and he wants to listen, to hear what has been said, but he also really wants to come.

Spencer jerks against him, touching, holding Jon until Spencer's hand is wet with his come and he's kind of glad there are pillow cases because that would be kind of gross to sleep on. Spencer turns him over, kissing him slowly, deeply, and Jon is feeling so very good at the moment, hot and wet, and still slightly drunk and tired.

+++  
6.

Spencer sits on the edge of their bed. He's waiting until Ryan gets home, it won't be long, it's three-thirty now and Ryan doesn't have any late tutoring. Spencer's only just got home himself, picking Jamie up from school. He doesn't know where else to go. He has been driving all day, through Summerlin where he and Ryan grew up, past their high schools and even to the house where the party where they met Brendon had been held all those years ago. He had sat down in the cafeteria in the hospital where Ryan had undergone treatment for his cancer. Spencer had drunk a cup of coffee at the table where Brendon and he had come to an understanding about each other, and he'd gone past their old apartment where they had all first fucked. Vegas is littered with memories of his life with Ryan, and his life with Ryan and Brendon. The bedroom is their space - he thinks maybe this isn't the place to talk about things. He gets up, walks back downstairs to the kitchen and puts the kettle on. He takes three cups out, force of habit, and puts one back. He's been driving, aimlessly, all day.

His son, Spencer James Smith the Sixth, or Jamie as he's known to the family, is sitting at the counter reading his school book and when Joseph and Michael come in, clattering at the doors, dropping bags and shoes behind them, Jamie runs out to greet them. After the boys had come, after Brendon's sister had called late one night, worried that Joseph was planning to run away, and he and Ryan and Brendon had taken them in, they had finally felt like a complete family. And now, he had just done the most stupid destructive thing in his life.

Spencer stands there as they rush into the refrigerator, grabbing snacks, and out to the back yard. He's standing frozen in the hope that if he doesn't move, maybe, none of the boys will talk to him. He's not ready to talk to anyone but Ryan and he's not even sure he can. He hasn't felt like he could talk all day. He's just lucky that Jamie had chattered away happily not noticing that Spencer hadn't said anything to him on the way home.

He's been running through contingency plans all afternoon: maybe he can leave Jamie here until he finds somewhere for them; maybe he can move into the guest room, if they don't hate him too much; maybe Jon can… No that's too soon and he's still not sure if it would be something worth giving all this up for. Jamie is happy here: he loves Brendon and Ryan. Hell, Spencer loves Brendon and Ryan but he's scared. He's screwed up, literally, and now he has to face the consequences and there's a part of him that wants to run away and hide. The stronger part is making him stand here, silently waiting for permission to start.

He barely registers the front door closing, the sound of Ryan's leather case hitting the floor, the keys jangling in the bowl by the door. It's Ryan's voice yelling at the boys for dropping their stuff everywhere, again, that wakes him from his stupor. He looks down at his cup, still full, and then across at the cup sitting on the bench, tag from the teabag hanging over the rim. He picks up the kettle and pours it in and as he puts the kettle back to reach for the sugar Ryan walks through the door.

"Oh, There you are." Ryan's grinning at him as he reaches to grab the cup out of Spencer's hand and put it on the bench behind him. Ryan presses himself into Spencer's hips and looks up from under his lashes. "We missed you last night." Ryan's fingers are digging into his hips, just the right amount of pressure and it would feel fantastic if last night hadn't happened, if part of the problem wasn't that Spencer could still feel it in his muscles. He flinches slightly, not enough for Ryan to notice, and he leans into the kiss that Ryan's pressing onto his mouth. He opens up and savours it, bringing his hands up behind Ryan's neck, leaning down, bringing them both closer.

It's perfect.

He leans back after the kiss and just looks at Ryan. Ryan blinks at him. "Everything okay, Spence?"

"Yeah, sure." He steps out of Ryan's grasp, leaving his hand on Ryan's hip for a second. "Look. Can I talk to you about something?" Spencer's brave, he knows he is. He left home, and Ryan, at twenty-one to tour with one of the biggest bands of the time. He got a girl pregnant and took his baby in when she couldn't look after him anymore. He watched Ryan nearly die and he had held it together.

Ryan nods and picks up his cup. He gestures at Spencer to continue. The best thing about knowing somebody for twenty-seven years of your life is the way you don't have to say everything. The worst…The worst is that Ryan can read every little gesture he makes, hell, he even knows what he's thinking most of the time. It's mutual at least.

"Look, not here. Can we go sit out back?" Spencer asks.

They've got a hanging seat on their back porch, Brendon installed it two summers ago, just after they'd bought this house. It's just big enough for Brendon stretched out, or the three of them squished together; it's usually the three of them. There's a table on the corner and the boys are sitting throwing things at each other and laughing. Spencer still can't say anything to them. He just needs to get this out and Ryan just glances over and then herds them back into the house.

Spencer looks at the seat for a second and then decides that if he's going to confess everything, the place where all three of them spend time talking and scheming and laughing shouldn't be infected by his – failure.

He pulls out the seat farthest from the door, against the porch railing, and sits down. Spencer can see that Ryan's getting worried. Ryan reaches out to touch him, "Is it Hayley? Does she want Jamie back?"

"No. No. God. Nothing like that. Um." He takes a sip of his tea – bitter like he likes it – but then, he did make it. He looks up again. "You know how I went out last night, with Jon?" Ryan nods. Of course Ryan knows but this is just the best way that Spencer can think to start. "For his birthday. You know because you guys couldn't make it?"

"Hey," Ryan says and hits him on his arm. "You know we're doing something this weekend. And you're just lucky that Jon didn't have any marking to do, too." Spencer grins at Ryan's response. "He said he had fun, at least." Spencer's pretty sure he didn't say much else, because, well, he'd asked him not to. Ryan continued, "he was smiling all day." Oh, and didn't that make Spencer feel worse.

"We went to dinner at this Italian restaurant he goes to regularly. He says it reminds him of one in Chicago." Spencer can see that Ryan's interested, he likes to know what the people he cares about get up to and he cares about both of them. "The staff knew him and made a birthday cake." Ryan grins at him. Ryan's got his hand still gently touching him, tracing circles on his skin, and Spencer's not willing to pull away, yet.

"And then we went Bowling." He doesn't think he's letting Jon and his secret go by saying this, it's just a casual thing to do an a Thursday. He's also not sure that he should have secrets that are just him and Jon anymore, it's a little dangerous.

"Good thing you didn't take Brendon then." Ryan replies. Spencer can tell that Ryan's waiting for him to get to the point. Ryan's calm but Spencer can also see that he doesn't have a clue where this is all going.

"Ok, and he was - we were - getting a bit drunk and I said I'd take him home." Spencer's not really looking at Ryan, now. There's a new bird in the bird house, it's blue. "And he invited me in for coffee, and we had sex, and yeah." He's got it all out, in nearly one breath and he feels slightly relieved. It's out of his hands now. He's cheated on both of his husbands and at least one of them knows. Ryan will tell Brendon and then they'll decide what to do with him.

Ryan's fingers have frozen on his wrist and Spencer turns and looks back at him. He can tell Ryan's shocked. "Wow." It's all Ryan says for a second, and then he goes to pull his hand away. He's moving his body like he use to, when Ryan just needed to get some space after his dad had … whatever. That was years ago and they had gotten away from it all but Spencer's back to feeling like he needs to fix thing for Ryan. It's worse when it's his fault.

"What was he like?" Brendon's voice sounds amused and Spencer snaps his heads to the door where his other husband leans, hands in jeans pockets, deceptively casual against the door frame. Ryan has pulled his hands away while Spencer was distracted by Brendon. Ryan gets up, now, to stand stiffly against the railing. In some ways this is worse than if he'd gotten up and stood beside Brendon leaning in for support. Nobody's touching anyone else – they always touch. Always.

"The boys said you guys were out here," Brendon says into the silence. "I though I'd come out and surprise you - because I'm early."

"Um," Spencer goes to say something, anything, but Brendon beats him to it.

"I thought you were happy with us?" There's a slight whine to his voice, like a kid who doesn't understand why his parents were sleeping in separate beds.

"Oh my God, Oh my God," Spencer's dropped his head into his hands and it takes a second for him to register the feelings of tears falling down his cheeks. He turns to face Brendon directly. "Fuck. I didn't mean to. It just kind of happened. And I thought you'd be okay, you know, you've got each other and sometimes I know I'm an afterthought." He's babbling, he knows he is, but he's looking from one of them to the other and he's just trying to reach one of them and they're both frozen and…

"You, what?" It's Ryan who interrupts.

"I mean, you guys love each other so much." And Spencer knows even as he's speaking that he's saying the wrong thing, that he's just making everything worse, but he can't stop himself. "I mean from the moment you met Brendon you were so gone on him, and you don't need me." He's looking down at his hands now. He's trying to give them an out.

"Oh, Wow. I don't need you... I can't even..." Ryan's voice is bitter and just a little bit broken. Spencer wants to look up at him, to glance and see whether he's okay but he just can't. He looks down at the wooden boards underneath his feet, waiting for one of them to walk away, hit him, do something.

Brendon's the first to move, kneeling down in front of him, one hand on his knee and the other holding Spencer's chin up so that he can't avoid the point Brendon is trying to make. "Um, What do you think we've been doing here?," Brendon asks. "Do you think we love you less than each other? That I love you less than I love Ryan? Don't you remember what we went through?" Brendon takes a breath, "Did you only marry me because you thought it was what Ryan wanted? And he was dying?" Spencer tries to shift away but Brendon holds him there.

"The fact that you had sex with Jon sucks. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt. But if you did it because you don't think this is real, that we're only temporary until you find somebody else then you need to let us know that. Because none of this is temporary, for me, for Ryan. I know that you don't believe what I do, that God called me to marry you, and I don't need you to. I need, we need you to be sure that you want to be with us, for the long term and not just as something that you're doing until you find someone else. You can't do that to us. You can't do that to you, Spencer."

Brendon lets go of his chin and stands up. He reaches over to Ryan who's still not moving and Brendon grabs Ryan's hands, tangling their fingers together and turning to take Ryan back inside. It's dark now; the sun has set. As they go through the door Brendon says over his shoulder, "If you need to go somewhere to think you should," he pauses for a second, "If you need to tell Jon about us, you can. I was thinking that it's about time we told him, anyway. I was going to talk to you both about it. So, maybe this is how it needs to happen," Brendon says the last bit quietly as if he's not quite sure himself.

Spencer sits there, by himself, on the porch, for long enough to catch his breath. Brendon's right, he needs to fix this, rather than expecting it to fix itself around him. He picks up the cups of tea, still full, and takes them into the kitchen. He can see Ryan curled into Brendon on the sofa and he watches as Brendon touches the remote and something flickers on. Brendon's posture is stiff and that scares him, Brendon's the most jumpy, touchy-feely person he knows.

The thing is Ryan and Brendon do have each other and it's even obvious in the way that Ryan's curled so completely into Brendon's space, as if he can trust Brendon to save him. They're shunted to one end of the sofa and he can tell there's something missing. He knows, rationally, that it's him, but he doesn't know how to fix this, how to slot himself back in, or if he's really sure that this is right.

He goes past the dining room where Joseph has Jamie and Michael doing their homework. He's playing on his handheld but they have a deal – Joseph covers the boys for an hour or two after school, gets them to do their homework, and he can borrow one of the cars to go to a party tonight. Ryan and Spencer have been sniggering all week about Joseph's "girlfriend". Spencer walks in and kisses each of the boys on their foreheads brushing hair out of the way. Michael and Jamie sputter at the attention but Joseph humours him and doesn't even look up from his game. "I'll be back later," he says and waves as he leaves the room, grabs his keys and one of the hoodies hanging at the door. He's pretty sure its not his, and for a second he thinks about putting it back, but it smells like Brendon and he kind of needs that. He's going to fix things, and the first place is Jon's.

+++  
7.

Jon opens the door and Spencer is gifted with the drift of a t-shirt being pulled down over a belly that he spent hours last night touching, licking, kissing before they'd finally fallen asleep in a tangled heap. He blushes and when he sees Jon's grin, he blushes more.

"Hi," Jon says. "I didn't think I'd see you today. The guys know how much I appreciate you putting a party on for me, right?" Spencer nods and Jon's already reaching out to pull Spencer into the room. It's a small studio apartment, a couple of blocks from the strip, which means flashing multi-coloured lights at all hours. Jon said he liked the way the colours reflect on the beige walls of his apartment, on their skin while they were making love. "I still don't know too many people here." He smiles. Spencer really likes his smile, it makes him feel special. He thinks that it might be a lot harder to give this up than he thought, but they can still be friends, right? Spencer's going to do his hardest to make this work because the more he thinks about this – in the car on the way over, walking up the stairs, knocking on the door – the more he realises that they're already so entwined with Jon and Spencer doesn't want his awful judgement call to fuck things up for Jon and Ryan and Brendon.

"Do you want a coffee or something?" Jon asks.

"Sure," Spencer says. There's a fridge, sink and stovetop against one wall and Jon's opening and closing the cupboards looking for cups and coffee and sugar. No wonder he likes coming home with Ryan, to their home, full meals on a large dining table and sometimes the four of them play music together on the porch, the boys listening, and Brendon's voice reaching out across the dark. Jon can play a mean guitar, or bass, or anything Spencer's seen him pick up. He's just like Brendon in that. Spencer's still stuck with the rhythm but that's how he likes it – holding the rest of them together, steady with his beat.

Jon sits beside him on the couch and passes him one of the cups. They take it the same way, it's kind of cute. Jon kicks his feet up onto the couch, bare now that he's not in his trademark flip flops, and rests them in Spencer's lap. Spencer runs his hand up Jon's leg without thinking and then pulls it back to rest on the ankle poking out of the bottom of the jeans leg. This is going to be harder to give up than he thought.

"So, not that I'm not really glad to see you," Jon tries to wiggle his eyebrows but fails and Spencer can't help but laugh.

"I kind of had a fight with Brendon and Ryan."

"Oh, shit, Spence, are you ok?"

"Uh, yeah. Well mostly." He pauses and puts his cup down, this whole getting a drink thing is really not working for him today. "You see there's something that we haven't really talked to you about and it's kind of important." He takes a deep breath, he's not really sure where to start, so he begins at the beginning: "So you know that Ryan and I grew up together right?"

Jon nods.

"And that his dad was an abusive alcoholic asshole?" There's a bit of bitterness in Spencer's voice and he knows that if Ryan were here, telling his story, he wouldn't say any of that, well maybe the alcoholic part. It's just Spencer was there too, and he has the right to his opinion.

Jon shakes his head. One of the things Spencer likes about Jon is the way he listens: attentive and letting you talk at your own pace with out judging. "Ok, well he was, and Ryan could stay at my place but he'd have to go home and it was… difficult.

"When he got into college, full scholarship, he went. I was a year behind him, right, so as soon as I finished school I followed him.

"Anyway a couple of years later my parents made me come home for the summer and I dragged Ryan along cause I didn't want to leave him behind and we go to this party and there's this guy singing along to one of the bands and he was… Well, you've met Brendon. We did everything together, everything, even though he had to work, even though we were going back, and at the end of the summer, Ryan and Brendon hooked up.

"I didn't know I liked boys at all then. I mean apart from the crush I'd had on Ryan." Spencer grins. He's got his hands up in front of him twined together and wriggling them as he talks. He glances over at Jon and he's still just sitting there listening.

"Well, Ryan is hot," Jon says, statement of fact and Spencer wants to giggle, but he doesn't _giggle_ – that's what Brendon's was for, giggling. Or he will be, if Spencer can sort out this mess.

"Yeah, well, hot or not, I kind of thought it was more about how much I loved him than about, well, desire." Jon nods. "So Brendon and Ryan hook up because, well, one of us was going to and it wasn't going to be me and, huh," Spencer blinks and puts his hands down on Jon's legs just to feel something solid. "You know," he says to Jon, "I've never thought of it that way before." It kind of makes sense in a weird kind of way. He'd never been available before Ryan got sick, not for Ryan, not for Brendon, and not for both.

"Okay." Jon's still just sitting there, waiting for him to tell him his story and Spencer thinks that he needs to get to the bit that's going to be hard because, even though he doesn't know how to say it, he's already told Ryan. And Brendon. And Jon's end of it is a lot easier, or maybe it'll be a little easier to deal with the loss, the consequences.

"Ryan got cancer a few years ago." Three years, four months and sixteen days, he thinks, "and we thought he was going to die." Spencer doesn't want to think about that time. Sometimes it's hard not to, sometimes he still feels like his world could just fall apart on a phone call and he'd be cancelling gigs and coming home. Sometimes he forgets it's over.

Jon shifts on the couch and he can feel Jon's hands on his shoulder but without Jon's legs holding him down, Spencer falls forward, not sure if he can hold himself up. "Jeeze, Spence." Jon rubs the back of his neck and Spencer continues with a hitch in his breath.

"Brendon called me. I think I was grabbing my bag and throwing things in it before he'd even finished his sentence. I know it wasn't what he was asking but I still don't think I could have done anything different. I was on a plane in an hour, everything left behind and I moved into the lounge room of their shitty apartment."

"God, Jon, it was horrible. Ryan's, like my soul, you know. Him having Brendon didn't change that."

"So Brendon and I held each other together and we, uh. Started fucking. And then Brendon said that he was called back to the Principle. I think ..." Spencer took a deep breath and continued, "I think he believed it'd save Ryan. He asked me to marry him, and it wasn't even something I needed to think about. I mean we loved each other, loved Ryan. There really wasn't a question of how I'd answer."

"Um, Okay." Jon stops rubbing Spencer's neck but he doesn't take his hand away. Spencer wants to lean into it or to pull away but he doesn't really know what he should do.

"So, uh, The Principle?" Jon asks and Spencer can tell from the way he's sitting, tense and ready to bolt, that he's not going to touch the married thing, at all. He sits up and turns to face Jon, crossing his leg.

"Brendon was brought up as a fundamentalist Mormon, right?"

Jon shakes his head. "Mormon, I get, but I think you're implying something by the fundamentalist."

"Okay. We don't talk about this much -" like at all, Spencer thinks - "but by Fundamentalist Mormon, I mean he grew up on a polygamist compound in Utah. He left when he was seventeen. I think he was kicked out but he doesn't talk about it much. You'd have to talk to him about it.

"Joseph and Michael are his nephews. His sister sent them here when Joseph was being hassled by their Prophet."

"They seem pretty happy here," Jon offers.

Spencer nods. "Jamie's mine."

"I guessed. The way you call him Spencer James Smith the Sixth when you're really upset at him. Kind of gave it away." Jon grins at him, relaxing a little and while his fingers haven't returned to their movements on his neck, Spencer can feel Jon relax a little.

"So, The Principle, as I understand it and how it relates to us – and Brendon will tell you more, if you ask – is that when Joseph Smith received the third testament he was told that to reach the Kingdom of Heaven he would need to be fruitful and multiply. The people that you will spend eternity with will be those who are your consecrated family on Earth.

"Look, I'm not sure how much of this I believe. Not the religious bits anyway, but Brendon does and I believe in him, and in Ryan. And I like the idea that when I die I will spend my afterlife with them and with our family.

"So, yes, I am married, in my heart to both Ryan and Brendon and last night, which was… Wow." Spencer reaches his hand out and touches Jon's shoulder to reassure, maybe, although he's not sure which of them he's reassuring. "Last night shouldn't have happened and I am so sorry."

Spencer wants to get up, to run away, but he won't. He needs Jon to understand, needs him to know that if he'd even met Jon first it might be different, but he didn't. And it isn't. And Spencer knows that he can't even really tell Jon that - it would be too cruel.

Jon pulls back away and swings his legs off the couch and onto the floor. He stands up, moving, and stretches his arms out behind his back. Spencer's watching, and waiting.

"I don't know what you expect me to say Spencer." Jon pauses to look at one of the photos on his wall, he taps it and turns around. "You're serious, aren't you?"

He doesn't wait for an answer before turning towards the window, but Spencer nods and then murmurs, "Um, Yeah."

"Okay. So you're married to the two _men_ you live with and you had sex with me and it was a mistake. Am I right?"

"Except for the part about it being a mistake."

Jon pauses and looks at him. "Was it me you argued with Bren and Ry about? Because damn right we shouldn't have happened if it was. They're my friends too, you know."

"Yes, I know."

"Do they hate me now?" Jon asks, pacing again.

"Brendon asked how good you were?" Spencer offers. Jon turns and glares at him. "Okay, maybe that's not appropriate, but they don't hate you. I'm pretty sure they know I'm here. Brendon told me that I could tell you about our family. I think he was meaning to tell you himself. Maybe this weekend."

"What. Is my party meant to be some kind of weird ambush?" Spencer gasps. That's nearly as bad as Brendon's question, as bad as being asked if their marriage was all about Ryan dying. "Shit, shit. I'm sorry Spencer. I'm just angry."

"Do you want me to go?" Spencer asks. Where he wanted to run before he now wants to see this out, to make it better: for Jon, for Brendon, for all of them.

"No, Not Really." Jon sits back on the edge of the couch and his whole body is slumped in defeat. Spencer wants to hold him, to run his hand down Jon's shoulder and bring him back against him. Jon looks down at his feet and quietly continues. "I was really looking forward to this weekend. I was going to get a little drunk, with all my friends around. Did I tell you Tom's flying in?" He doesn't look up but Spencer nods his head anyway. "And then I was going to steal you away and kiss you under the stars."

Spencer is frozen and he's really trying to fight off tears.

"Well, Damn you Spencer Smith. I am not giving up Ryan for you. He's my friend too."

"Jon, I'm not asking anyone to take sides. I'm not asking you to help me cheat on anyone and I'm really not asking you to stop being friends with Ryan. Or Brendon. It was my goddamn mistake and I will be there for your birthday because I _am_ your friend and I will wish you the best year ever." Spencer sighs. "But I can't sneak off with you and spend the night making out – as much as I might want to – because I won't do that to any of you."

Spencer stands up and moves over to where Jon's sitting. He rests his hand on Jon's shoulder, resisting the temptation to run his fingers over the back of his neck, his hand pressing firmly but not too affectionately instead. "Can we be okay for now?" he asks.

"Sure. Sure." Jon replies.

They always hug goodbye – Brendon's tactile and he's made everyone around him that way. "Can I?" he asks, not sure if something so fundamental is still ok, and Jon nods, leaning into him and just taking the hug. Spencer holds him tight. He knows he might have just broken Jon's heart a little, but he is also Jon's friend and he just needs to leave knowing Jon's not going to be too freaked out to come on Saturday. He's not even conscious of kissing Jon on his forehead but he does it and pulls away until they're just holding each other's hands.

"I should go. I need to sort some stuff out with Brendon and Ry before they go to bed tonight."

"Okay. So I'll see you Saturday?" Jon asks.

"Yes, yes. We'll be expecting you, we want you there." Spencer's nodding as he shuffles out the door.

"I want you there," he says quietly. "Good night, Jon."

"Good night, Spence."

+++  
8.

Spencer gets home and looks at the clock on his dashboard: 10:37. It's been a very long day and it's earlier than he expected. He just wants to go to bed, crawl in between Brendon and Ryan and hold onto and be held onto. He turns off the ignition and gets out of the car. Most of the lights are off, which means the boys are asleep. Good. He throws the keys into the bowl and slips his sneakers off. He'll have to pick them up later, put them back in their home in his cupboard but he can leave them there for now. It's more important to find both of his husbands.

He finds Brendon first, in the music room, playing the piano that was Spencer and Ryan's first anniversary gift for him. Spencer walks over and waits for Brendon to finish the piece – it's something original that Spencer has heard snippets of walking past some nights. He sits on the seat closest to the piano, still unnoticed, and waits. It's a beautiful piece, two melodies racing past a solid bass line. The key changes every now and again but the whole piece keeps coming back to a central phrase . Brendon plays it all the way through and then pauses with his hands on the keys.

Spencer claps softly and Brendon turns. "It's beautiful. Are you ever going to play it all the way through for us?" He doesn't expect an answer but he's got Brendon's attention. He doesn't reach out to touch him; he sits with his fingers interlaced on his lap. Brendon puts the lid of the piano down and turns around to face him.

"You're home." It's a statement, simple, no expectations.

"Yes, I'm home." Spencer puts more emphasis on the word home than Brendon had and continues, "Jon was worried that you would both hate him."

"Oh. Of course not. We love Jon." He looks a little surprised that someone might have reacted like that.

"Does that mean that you don't love me?" Spencer teases, forgetting for a second the whole night, the morning, the night before. It falls flat. "Ignore that," he says before Brendon can react. "I know you do. Of course, I know you do."

"Brendon," he pauses, trying to think of how to continue, what he can say to make things right. "I don't believe in your God. I don't even know if I believe in an afterlife at all but I believe in you, in Ryan. In us.

"It's not really a hard decision, you know," he continues, slightly depreciatingly, "I'm in love with you and getting to spend my life, and your eternity, with you isn't even a choice."

"Spencer," Brendon sighs, reaching out to touch his fingers, "is it that we don't acknowledge you in public? I mean, Ryan and I had a pretty public wedding, nobody knows you're ours. It couldn't be legal, but we've got most of that sorted out anyway." Brendon waves his hand in a vague gesture. "Tell me what you need."

"I've never really thought about it, Bren. I mean, I really am happy with you guys. I don't need anything like that." Spencer tries to brush Brendon away. "I really do know that I'm loved." He ducks his head slightly and then looks straight at Brendon. He's going to own this. "I don't think that Jon was anything about feeling unloved or unwanted," he says.

Brendon replies quickly, with a slight inflection of disbelief, "you sure?"

"Yeah. He's kind of hot." Brendon sniggers at his comment and Spencer grins. "I mean, I don't think I was really thinking too much about you and Ry at the time. Which is probably wrong," he apologises, "but we kissed and it was a good night and it just felt so right at the time. Like something I needed to do. I'm sorry."

"I didn't mean what I said earlier, you know, about you guys not needing me because you've got each other." Brendon's looking at him patiently, waiting for Spencer to finish. This is one of those things that it's not easy to get about Brendon - he seems so easy and bright on the outside but there's this toughness, this steel core that just holds everything together. When Ryan was so sick, it was seeing him like this that made Spencer, no, let Spencer, fall for him. The first time, when they fell into bed together, it was because Brendon let Spencer see how much he needed Ryan and how hard he was finding it to keep it together. Brendon let himself need Spencer.

"Maybe we need a rule about what's considered cheating in our marriage because, damn it, I cheated on you both and right now I kind of hate myself for it."

"Oh, Spence," Brendon replies, pulling him forward so that their forehead's touch, "I'm not so sure that being with Jon is cheating on us, but I'm not going to stop being married and in love with you just because you had sex with someone else. I'm way more worried that maybe I've been taking you for granted, that we've been neglecting you or something. That you don't know you can ask for what you need."

Spencer thinks back to earlier that night, Jon's arms around him, his hand kneading his neck, and whispers, "but what if what I need isn't either of you?" He kind of hopes that Brendon doesn't figure it out, what he's hinting at, but when Brendon replies he's struck with a sense of relief.

"Then we'll get him for you," Brendon says as he kisses Spencer on the side of his mouth. "For us," Brendon turns his hand over and laces their fingers together. "Come on let's get Ryan and go to bed. It's late and you look exhausted." He pulls Spencer up until he's standing on his feet and turns him so that he can guide them to their room.

"How is Ry?" Spencer asks quietly.

"Hurt, sulking a little," Brendon says. "He's writing the Great American Novel," Brendon grins, "I'm sure he's probably murdering you, or maybe Jon, with his mind." Spencer sniggers. It shouldn't be funny but since he got better that's exactly how Ryan's been dealing with anger. Ryan used to write all the time when they were little, scrawled words in the margins of their school books, and Spencer's still kind of glad every time he walks past to see Ryan furiously typing away on his laptop.

They find him staring at the screen, cursor blinking on a half filled page of text. "He's home," Brendon says as he puts his hand on Ryan's shoulder. Ryan turns to look up at him and even though he's not smiling, just looking mildly surprised, Spencer's really glad that he came straight back. Ryan's got that look on his face that says that he doesn't really believe that things will go his way. He blinks up at both of them and Spencer leans down to whisper in his ear, Brendon's hand still in his, "I'm so sorry, Ryan."

Ryan doesn't say anything for a second but then he twists his chair around to face him and reaches out to hold him. His eyes are red but neither of them will mention it. Ryan just glares at him and grunts, "Damn right you are."

+++  
9.

Jon opens up his door and has to take a step back to catch his balance as he finds his arms full of an excited Brendon Urie. He hears Tom snigger behind him and turns to glare at him. Brendon hasn't let go of him but instead turns to look over his shoulder. "Hello," Brendon shifts them around and puts his hand out to shake, "I'm Brendon." Brendon still hasn't let go and Jon's not quite sure how he should react. On one hand Jon's pretty sure that Brendon should be really angry at him, even if Ryan said everything was cool when he called to check if he was still coming this morning, and wasn't that a conversation – stilted silence on his part and absolution on Ryan's – and on the other hand this is Brendon they're talking about. He probably is okay with it all. Jon knows there's more to Brendon than a cheery façade and excess energy. He's pretty confident that neither Ryan nor Spencer would love him like they do if it was that simple. And he knew that Spencer loved Brendon, loved Ryan without the big revelation – he just kind of misread how.

Tom gets up off the couch, throws down the game controller and reaches out to shake Brendon's hand. "I'm Tom. Jon's been telling me _all_ about you guys." Jon breathes in sharply and turns to Brendon but Brendon's just looking at Jon with curiosity and affection, like he trusts him. Jon shakes his head, letting him know he hasn't said anything, as Tom continues, "So it's your place we're having this shindig?" Jon lets go of his breath. It's not that Tom knows anything really bad, anything he shouldn't, but he might mention Spencer, might mention that Thursday really hadn't been that spur of the moment for him, might mention something stupid about how hot Jon thinks Brendon is, or Ryan. But, hey, why have a best friend if you don't know embarrassing, incriminating information that can be revealed at really inopportune moments. He's just really thankful that Tom didn't think that this would be a good moment, everything's still too awkward.

"Jon says that you guys saved him after he and Cass split," Tom says.

"Really?" Brendon sounds kind of happy, like he hadn't realised how important they were to Jon. "Cool. We really like Jon." Brendon squeezes Jon's shoulder lightly and then steps away, pulling him around to stand directly in front. Jon looks over Brendon's shoulder at Tom and shrugs. Brendon just looks him over with a critical eye, taking in the jeans Jon has on with an old Phantom Planet shirt, not-quite-black anymore but the print is still clear, before tapping his index finger on his chin and crossing the room. Brendon's never really spent much time here - mostly hovering in the door while Jon picks up his satchel on his and Ryan's way to school when he's crashed at their place unexpectedly - so Jon's not quite sure what Brendon's doing.

"The shirt's good," Brendon murmurs as he finds where Jon's got his jeans stashed. He turns back to face them like he's letting them in on a secret, "Spence called in a favour, the shirt's good." Oh, Jon thinks, Spencer's band. It might be carrying the whole idea of wearing your heart on your sleeve a step too far but he hadn't even thought about that when he put it on. It's comfortable, and he likes the picture on the front, and he used to wear it all the time. It'd be a bit awkward to change it now.

Jon turns to face Tom, to see how he's reacting to the whirlwind of Brendon Urie, and he looks even more bemused than Jon feels. "I told you Brendon is something." Jon's grinning and it feels good.

Brendon's mumbling something about Ryan under his breath. "This one." Brendon's pulling out a pair of jeans from his drawers and he passes them over to Jon. Brendon waves him over towards the bathroom door. Jon looks down at the jeans in his hands and they don't look any different to the ones he's wearing but, whatever.

He comes back out and Brendon's sitting on the couch in exactly the same spot Spencer had been sitting last night. He blinks and turns away, grabbing his keys and wallet off the faux-kitchen bench. "Does Tom meet your dress standards?" he asks. Tom's actually slightly better dressed than he is. He's got a jacket on over his shirt. Brendon nods. It's still pretty warm out but it might get chill in the evening so Jon grabs his peacoat from the back of the door.

"Are you bringing your bass?" Brendon asks. "I mean you can grab one of your guitars or something if you want to play later. You're both crashing at ours, right?" Brendon bounces as he faces them both.

"Sure," Jon turns around and walks back across the room. He feels a little like he's just following orders and for a second he wonders if this is what it would be like living with Brendon. At least Spencer and Ryan would be around to deflect some of Brendon's attention and maybe that's some of how the three of them work. He's curious, he admits it. He doesn't want to step on anyone's toes and he's still a little angry at Spencer for getting his hopes up, for being there, but these guys have known each other forever and even he can see that they've got something that works. If he admits it to himself, finding out that they were _fucking_ kind of completed the picture. He's happy for them. Really.

When they get outside Brendon points out his car and takes the bass from Jon's hands and passes it, and the keys, to Tom. When Tom's on his way Brendon puts his hand on his chest making Jon stop for a second.

"We really are okay with what happened, Jon." It's not much but it doesn't have to be and when Jon looks into Brendon's eyes he can see that he means it. Jon doesn't say anything, he's not sure what he can – an apology doesn't seem appropriate. He blundered into something, something he maybe wants, but he's thirty-five and he can deal with disappointment. He's not going to tell anyone about how he nearly picked up his bags and went back to Chicago last night, about how he drank himself to sleep. He told Spencer he wasn't giving up on Ryan or Brendon and he meant it. He's happy here.

"We want you to have a great night tonight. Ryan and Spencer have been getting the boys to put streamers up all over the yard and Spencer's Mom's made a heap of salads and things." They're walking down the stairs and Brendon's snuck his hand around the back of his waist like it belongs there.

"Does she know?" Jon asks, he doesn't have to specify what.

"Some of it," Brendon says. "She knows that Spencer gave up the band for us. And about how sick Ryan got. She's really his family too. She knows about the boys. And our wills," Brendon grins, "the important stuff. We were really going to tell you about us. It's, just. We don't really talk about it. Anyway, you should just forget about it all and just enjoy yourself tonight." Jon wishes it was that easy. They're at the car now and Brendon's opening the door for him. He leans over and says, "We can talk about all of that later," and there's something in the way that he says it that gives Jon the confidence that there really will be a later – more than anything else this makes him feel that Brendon's okay.

+++  
10.

Jon isn't quite sure what he had expected when Ryan had offered their place for a birthday party, something quiet, maybe, something small.

Jon had been over their place, as usual, sitting on the porch, tuning the guitar that Brendon had passed him and he'd just mentioned off-handedly that it was his thirty-fifth coming up. He can't even remember what they'd been talking about but Brendon and Ryan had just taken off with it, throwing ideas about what they could do until they'd settled on a barbeque in their back yard. Spencer, who had been leaning against the porch rail had just bumped his hip against Jon's shoulder and when Jon had looked up he shared a grin with him at the other two.

He didn't think that any of them could have come up with this. Instead of the few people he knows from the Vegas scene, some of the teachers from where he and Ryan worked, their family and Tom, Jon is confronted with a crowd of people pouring into the garden and out onto the cul de sac in front of their house. The reason for this is Spencer's surprise - he's got Phantom Planet to come and play for his birthday. There are more people than even Brendon had expected, text messages going out from the guests when they realised they were getting an impromptu performance, and it's not that Phantom Planet ever got that big, it's just that they were big enough that it would be cool to be able to say you saw them live, _in someone's back yard._  
Jon knew rationally that Spence had spent years touring with these guys but watching him, his arms and his whole body moving energetically as he plays, is something kind of spectacular. It kind of hits his gut and Jon's not sure he cares who sees him watching. Brendon and Ryan know he's attracted to Spencer and they're the only one's he'd care to offend. He glances over to where they're standing watching the band, Brendon hands tucked into Ryan's belt loops, bouncing around, and Ryan who just nods in time with the music, an amused grin on his face. They're both so happy for Spencer, out on a stage playing just for them. Jon looks back to Spencer and catches his eyes and he's smiling at him, just him, and Jon gets that this is for him, too. It's kind of a cool present.

After they've played the set, Brendon grabs him and takes him over to where the guys are packing up. Spencer stops talking to Alex, the singer, when he sees Jon and it's like he's being passed over from Brendon to Spencer. Spencer's sweating and his white shirt is practically see through but his eyes light up when he catches them. "Happy Birthday Jon." He leans over and hugs him, holding Jon for a second longer than might be appropriate but they're all excited. Spencer leaves his arm around Jon's shoulders and turns him to meet the rest of his old band. Jon wants to lean into the touch but he's not ready to relax that much around Spencer, yet. He knows Ryan and Brendon are acting like nothing's happened but he can't take that from Spencer too. He takes a breath and steps out from under Spencer's arm, not trying to draw attention to himself but at least give himself a little space. He can hear Spencer take a breath, gasping as if he'd forgotten that touching is wrong now, and Spencer drops his arm back to his side. Jon's not happy, but better.

When Jon's been introduced to everyone and Tom's come over to join them - he has been wandering around taking photographs of the party, the house, them - Spencer slips away. Jon doesn't notice at first, drawn into a conversation about guitars and music, but when he looks around, after Ryan's brought him a bottle of Coors and is standing next to him, he spots Spencer and Brendon standing by the garage door talking to each other intently. Brendon's touching Spencer, hand on his shoulder, fingers gently stroking at the bare skin where Spencer's shirt has shifted down his neck. Spencer's drinking a bottle of water and it looks so innocuous but now that Jon knows there's something else he can see how hard they're straining not to lean into each other; to reach over and kiss. Jon glances at Ryan standing beside him and Ryan's watching too. Ryan must notice Jon looking at him because Ryan turns back to Jon, shrugs and smiles, and then throws something in about a chord change used in the third song. Conversation picks up around them and Jon tries not to think about what he's unwittingly caught a glimpse into.

The party continues into the night, people drifting away as it gets later, and they realise that the band isn't going to play anymore. Sam, Alex and Darren, have packed their equipment away and they spend a lot of the party talking to their guests. They have a body guard who hovers in the background and they seem to be taking the attention of Jon's workmates in stride. Jon still remembers the headiness of being on tour, even if it was only for the one summer when he toured with The Academy Is... before they kicked Tom out and he went with. Before that he had been a part of a tight-knit scene in Chicago where most of everyone's time was spent pretending that the people in the bands they were listening to weren't any cooler than they were themselves. His colleagues, most coming out of suburbia, have no idea how normal all this is for the band, for Spencer, even, and for them it's a touch of celebrity in their midst. Jon has been drifting in and out of groups of people all night, introducing Tom to everyone, and trying not to pay attention to the way that Spencer is avoiding his ex-band-mates, and him. He's pretty sure that Spencer's not conscious of the way that he's sitting back when people ask questions about what it's like to tour, to make videos, to go to all the big parties with all the other celebrities, and he's equally sure that Spencer could answer all of those questions from his own experience. He's pretty sure that Spencer is deliberately avoiding him.

The band are staying close by, in one of the hotels on the strip, and when they are about to leave Alex comes over. "Thanks for letting us come and play for you," he starts, reaching out to shake his hand.

"It's totally cool, and I should really be thanking you. This was a fantastic gift."

"Yeah, Spencer's a great guy, we'd do a lot for him. We keep trying to beg him to come back to tour, but seeing you guys here, I guess I can see why he's not as interested in touring as he used to be." Alex looks over to where Spencer is saying good bye to Sam and Darren.

"It was pretty cool seeing him on stage like that. I mean, I caught you guys in Chicago a few years ago, but it's kind of different when you know someone in the band, if you know what I mean." Jon shrugs, trying not to draw too much attention to his shirt. He's not sure that Alex would care anyway but he feels a little awkward.

"Yeah, I do." Alex turns back and grins at him, "Anyway, you should come out to breakfast with us tomorrow, and bring our boy. He wasn't sure if he could make it and we'd love to spend some more time with him. With you and Brendon and Ryan, too. It'd be nice to talk to the people he gave the high life up for."

"Uh, Sure," Jon says, and fortunately Spencer walks up with Darren and Sam, reaching over to give Alex a hug.

"I'm going to miss you guys," Spencer says.

"I've told Jon that he has to make sure you come out tomorrow. Pancakes at IHOP, just like the old days." Alex replies.

"Oh, God," Spencer groans, "Do you remember that time in New York..." They drift off towards the gate, waving good bye to Jon as they go. They get into a rental car with their security and Jon watches as Spencer stands rigidly watching them drive away. Tom puts his hand on Jon's shoulder and he jumps. "So that's your boy?" Tom asks.

Jon's not sure how to respond so he just shrugs. He'd still probably do Spencer at the drop of a hat. If. If he wasn't married; if Jon wasn't friends with his lovers -husbands? If. Spencer's turned around and is walking back down the drive and Jon watches as Ryan and Brendon walk up to meet him. They both touch him, comforting Spencer and yes, Jon wants to be there, to be the one comforting him, too.

"They're all pretty close," Tom says pointing his bottle at the three of them.

"Yeah," Jon says. "Ryan and Spencer have been friends for ever. Like, since they were kids." Brendon and Ryan is obvious to anyone who's been around them for more than five minutes.

"Cool," says Tom.

Now that the band has gone the party winds down until it's just people that Jon knows pretty well. It's just after one and none of them are really tired yet so he's not surprised when Brendon comes over and says to them, "let's play." Ryan's gone inside with Spencer and they bring out Jon's bass, Ryan's guitar and Spencer's snare drum. Brendon's holding an extra guitar which he passes to Tom, saying that Jon had said something about Tom playing guitar and Tom takes it gratefully. Jon's probably talked about the way they do this, the way that Ryan had practically leapt on him when he'd said, off-handedly, that he used to guitar tech, asking him about his influences and if he still played. And when he'd said yes, he'd been brought back to Ryan's place, introduced properly around and given a guitar to play on. It had felt a little like an audition, but he'd felt welcome, and adopted even, so he's kind of glad that they're ending the night like this.

Spencer doesn't sit on the porch chair next to Jon like usual; he takes one of the seats next to the table propping his drum on his lap and waiting for Ryan and Brendon to settle around each other before getting ready to count them in. "It's your birthday, Jon. You choose," Ryan says. They end up playing a random selection of music: some Beatles, and an old Phantom Planet song, some Blink 182 and some Rolling Stones.

It's pretty late when Brendon starts yawning and begins to chase everyone to bed. Jon and Tom are put in the guest room and it's not the first time Jon's ended up staying the night here but it's the first time he's had any idea that Spencer mightn't be sleeping alone. He'd had hopes in that regard himself. It makes him wonder how they do it. Spencer does have his own room: he's been in it - following and talking to Spencer when he was changing his shoes before they went out. Jon turns over on his side to face the wall and tries to sleep while Tom snores behind him. He's a drunk kind of happy and he thinks all of his thoughts can wait until morning.

+++  
11.

Spencer's tucked up under the covers, his arm wrapped around Brendon, it's warm and he's not quite awake yet. As soon as the alarm had gone off, Ryan had hit the button to turn it off and stumbled into the shower. He's usually the first one out of bed, used to having to get up to be at school everyday. Brendon sleeps in until the afternoon and Spencer usually gets up at the same time as Ryan to take Jamie to school - he's just slower about it and sometimes he comes straight back into bed as soon as he gets home.

Today they're all going have to get up, hang-overs and all. He's promised that he would go to breakfast with Alex and Sam and Darren and he kind of wants to show off his family anyway. Even if he's not going to tell anyone exactly how they're family.

Ryan's just coming out of the shower, back into their room with his towel rubbing his hair dry, as Spencer sits up, ready to start the day.

"Hey Bren," Ryan says as he gets out some underwear, throwing a pair at Spencer before putting his own on.

Brendon grunts from the middle of the bed where he's spread out on his back, blinking out of one half-opened eye.

"Get up." Ryan says. "You going to have a shower, Spence?"

Spence shakes his head blearily, "They've smelt me much worse than this."

Ryan shimmies into his jeans and throws him a bunch of clothing, "Sure," Ryan says. Spencer looks down at the jeans and shirt, before putting them on the bed. Ryan throws a hoodie and another pair of jeans onto the bed, "Do you want to make sure the log gets up?" he asks. Spencer puts on his underwear clumsily and turns to tap Brendon on his shoulder.

"I'm going to check if Jon's still coming." Spencer sighs, pulling back from Brendon's shoulder. He's not sure if he's sighing at bringing Jon - and that whole situation because he really isn't awake enough to deal with how hard it had been watching Jon enjoying himself last night - or if he's sighing at getting Brendon up. Ryan's looking at him as if he can tell exactly what Spencer's thinking and he comes over and puts his hand on Spencer's shoulder. "Are you ok with Jon coming, I can forget to ask him if you like." Spencer grabs Ryan by the belt loops of his pants and pulls him so they both fall onto the bed. Brendon yelps at them, turning so that he's absent-mindedly touching both of them.

"No, It's good. It'd probably be more awkward if he didn't come," Spencer whispers at Ryan, brushing a strand of hair behind Ryan's ear. He leans in and kisses him. This wakes Brendon up and he grabs them both to join in the kissing.

Ryan pushes away from both of them and goes to get Jon, while Brendon and Spencer finish getting dressed. Brendon leans on his shoulder to put on his shoes and asks him off-handedly, "Are you ok, though?" and it's kind of sweet, and comforting, that they're both worried about him.

"Yes. I'm fine. I like Jon, I like you guys, I like the band. You should all be there. It's just breakfast, after all." Spencer shrugs. "Come on, lets get a tea before we go." Brendon lets go.

They're in the kitchen when Ryan brings Jon into the kitchen where Brendon and Spencer are huddled over the kettle. Brendon's hand is on Spencer's waist like an unconscious sign of ownership, none of them are awake enough to make it deliberate, and Spencer notices when Jon's gaze rests on the spot where Brendon's fingers are slipping under Spencer's shirt. Ryan passes Jon one of the cups they've made up on the counter and then reaches over to kiss first Brendon and then Spencer on the mouth. He looks over at Jon, grimaces a second at his faux pas, and then shrugs. "I was up first. I got sent to get you," as if it explains everything and really there's a lot it does.

"Did you enjoy the party?" Brendon asks Jon and he nods. Spencer's hips are resting against the counter and he can feel it digging into his back. He doesn't want to draw any attention to himself though, so he doesn't move, just takes a sip of his tea.

"Yes. Thank you. You guys are awesome. "Brendon, Ryan and Jon talk around him as they finish their teas, get into the car leaving Joseph to keep an eye on Jamie and Michael. They had nearly brought them along, but it would involve two cars, and this way the conversation can get as rowdy as they like without worrying that Michael or Joseph might hear something that isn't appropriate - or that Jamie might say something about his Uncle Brendon or Uncle Ryan without knowing that he shouldn't.

They pull into the IHOP and all stumble out of the car. Darren and Sam are sitting at a table, laughing at them as they blink behind sunglasses and stumble into the booth. Alex comes out of the bathroom and makes them all scoot in and Spencer finds himself pressed up against Jon. They both shift trying to give each other as much space as possible until Brendon grabs a straw from the centre of the table. He reaches across the table with it and taps them both on their hands as if they're acting like recalcitrant children, which, really, they are. They both stop and settle, Jon glancing at him, and rolling his eyes at Brendon's antics and for a moment they're in complete accord, and it's like the last three days hadn't happened.

There's a big spread of food on the table by the time they finish ordering and both Ryan and Brendon help themselves to his fries. Jon reaches out a couple of times, drawing his hand back until Spencer just passes him one. It's a free-for-all after that.

The conversation drifts between anecdotes from when Spencer was touring with the guys to stories about what he's gotten up to since he came home. Brendon and Darren try to outdo each other with stories, and it's like they're trying to work out the boundaries between their territories and their shared ground. Alex and Sam interject to tell stories about things they all did on tour and Ryan and even Jon leap in with tales from his Vegas life. Spencer just sits there taking it all in, his two lives colliding, raising his eyebrow in displeasure when someone, from either side starts to talk about things _he doesn't want known._ This works of course until Brendon starts a story about Brendon and Spencer going to break Ryan out of the school one night, before Jon had even started at the school. Ryan realises at the exact same moment that Spencer does which story Brendon's about to tell, and while it's a very happy memory, which had ended with Brendon and Spencer bending Ryan over a desk in the empty school, it's not really safe for public consumption. Spencer and Ryan both go to change the subject, talking loudly over Brendon, and Spencer sees the moment when Brendon gets what he was about to do because he goes very quiet. Sam and Alex are looking at them all suspiciously and he thinks that Jon might be able to guess what they were talking about because he's glancing between them a little wide-eyed. Spencer tries not to, but he's pretty sure he's blushing.

After they've eaten everything, Spencer lurks at the table with Sam and Darren while Alex and Brendon have gone to pay and Ryan and Jon have gone to the bathroom. He's really glad to see these guys, his band, and it's been so long and it's good to get distracted by talk about upcoming albums and tour dates. They keep telling him that he can come back and tour with them, that their new drummer isn't as good as he is, or as good as Jason was back in the day. Spencer looks up at his two husbands as they roughhouse at the counter, and at Jon talking to Alex, and he thinks about Jamie and the boys at home and he's sure that he's made the right decision to come home and to stick it out.

+++  
12.

Jon's really glad to see Tom even though he's only staying for the weekend; he wanted to stay longer but he has a showing in Chicago and he has to get back to set it all up. Jon takes him around Vegas, along the strip and out along Route 95. They stop in a diner in Indian Springs on the way back and have burgers. Las Vegas is very different to Chicago - hotter and dryer for a start - and the people are different. Maybe it has something to do with a town that's designed around such a high turnover of people all the time. Spencer told him, once, that growing up in the suburbs was like living in suburbs anywhere but Jon's not convinced that the wide open spaces, desert and sun, around them can't lead to a bit of the desperation inherent in a town built on gambling sinking into everyone's skin.

"So, Spencer, huh?" Tom asks him with a grin. Jon can tell that Tom's been saving that all weekend and now he's actually met Spencer the curiosity is even deeper.

"Spencer," Jon nods around his food. He isn't going to give Tom an inch.

"Okay." Tom smiled. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Well, we had sex." Jon feeds him the information he already knows, text messages on his way to school the morning after, grin plastered on his face.

"Yes, I know. Then what? ‘Cause you guys didn't hook up again this weekend," he blinks, "or did you? ‘Cause that'd be pretty sly."

"No we didn't. Turns out he's with someone." Someones, Jon thinks.

"What?" Tom nearly drops his drink but sets it on the table. "Oh. Wow. I am so sorry Jon. You were so excited." Tom reaches his hand out to touch him. "You know, I'm kind of surprised though."

"Oh, Why?" Jon raises his eyebrow in interest. Spencer's pretty cool, too cool, and Jon wouldn't have thought Spencer was available except that he's never really around anyone but Brendon and Ryan. And he was interested in him, Jon's sure of it. That's part of what makes this all so difficult, and confusing.

"Well, you would think that he would have brought a date. Although I could see why that might be awkward. But mostly it's because of the way that Brendon and Ryan were acting." Tom looks like he's thinking about how to say it and then Jon can see it click. Tom gestures at Jon with the French fry in his hand. "It's like they want Spencer to be happy and you'd make him happy so they want to give you to him. Like when Brendon make you change, or Ryan dragging you with this morning. I mean they wouldn't do that if they were happy with whoever it is that he's dating, would they?"

"Um." Jon's not sure how to digest what Tom's saying because he can kind of see what he's getting at. "Okay. Maybe," Jon says, "but I'm still not going to do anything about it. I like Spencer, a lot, but I'm not sure that I'd want to be second for him, for anyone." Jon's finished his burger and he grabs a napkin wiping his mouth. "Anyway, he told me that he won't cheat and I respect that. Even if I wanted to, he won't."

"You want to, huh?" Tom smirks at him.

"Duh," Jon grins back. "Did you see him playing last night? It's like he glows." Tom's nodding at him and it's kind of fun to talk about his crush like this. "God could you imagine giving all that up?" he asks, cause it's not the same as what Tom did moving sideways into his photography and playing with Empires. He still does it all. Spencer went from touring with a platinum selling band, to suburbia and he seems pretty happy, but his life revolves around getting the boys to and from school. Ryan writes and Brendon's got his club and even Jon has his photography to keep him sane. Sometimes Jon wonders what Spencer wants.

"No, not really." Tom replies. "You wanted that too, remember? When we were kids and neither of us wanted to stop moving?"

"And now look at me," Jon says, "Thirty-five, no permanent attachments except a kitten and a bass guitar, teaching in the suburbs of Las Vegas."

"Hey, you've still got it," Tom grins at him lifting his drink and pointing it at Jon. Jon lifts his in return and smiles.

+++  
13.

Ryan and Jon are sitting at their usual table in the staff room at lunch, in the corner by the window, and their break is nearly over, when Jon suddenly blurts out, "Are you and Brendon trying to set me up with Spencer?" Ryan nearly drops his cup, spilling coffee all over the pages spread out on the table, but he saves it just in time.

"Uh, what?" Ryan asks, blinking. He has no idea where this is coming from.

Jon looks around to check that no one can overhear and then leans forward and says, "because, if you guys are trying to get rid of him you can't put me in that place. You need to tell him yourself." Ryan's a little shocked and when the bell rings, reminding him that he has to go and teach thirty-something sophomores about Whitman, he nearly goes into automatic, packing his papers up and heading off. Something stops him and he jumps out of his seat catching Jon's wrist before either of them can leave. None of the other teachers are paying them any attention, they're used to Ryan and Jon either sitting quietly at a table together reading and planning their classes, or talking loudly about music and literature. Anyway, _everyone's_ rushing at last minute to get to their classes before the students because contrary to belief most of the teachers don't have any more desire to rush into the classroom than the students do.

Ryan's looking straight at Jon waiting for everyone to leave before he says anything. Jon is just standing there looking at Ryan's fingers wrapped around his arm.

"I'm not trying to get rid of Spencer," Ryan says. He thinks that's the most important thing that needs to be said and he lets go of Jon. He stands back and looks up at the clock thinking that he's going to be late for class, they both are but this is more important. "You really need to come back to our place and talk about this if that's what you're thinking," and he realises that he's quite angry. "Do you think that I'm happy that Spencer cheated on me?" he hisses. And there, he's said it. He hasn't wanted to make Spencer feel worse - they're tentatively working things out between them. And he's not Brendon who believes that God has called him to marry them both. Ryan has his own suspicions about how Brendon wants to have this all play out.

Spencer is one of the earliest things Ryan can remember, Spencer is so deeply a part of who Ryan is that marrying him changed so little about his life - they have sex now, they share Brendon - more than they already did - they raise their kids together but none of this really changes the fundamental nature of who they are to each other.

Jon changes things.

"I'm sorry." Jon says looking at Ryan earnestly. "I am so sorry."

Ryan sighs, letting go of his anger.

"Jesus Jon. I know. You're sorry. Spencer's on tenterhooks at home and Brendon's trying to work out what he can do to make things right with Spencer. And you know what? I'm just kind of relieved that I can actually talk to you about us. I love Spencer and how can I blame you for wanting him when I can't even claim him as mine?" Ryan's got his books in his hands now and he's shifting his seat back under the table. "Look, we can't do this here. I've got to get to class. You've got to get to class." He walks past Jon who's just standing there, "Come around tonight. Talk to Brendon, hell, talk to Spencer. He's beating himself up about this whole thing. Do you want a lift home?" Jon nods. "Okay, I'll meet you at the car, then."

Ryan spends the afternoon distracted as he teaches. He's glad that he has lesson plans - powerpoint slides made on the laptop that Brendon and Spencer had bought him for their anniversary. Brendon calls it Ryan's Raging Consciousness or Ryan's Words of Wisdom, or sometimes, when he's attempting to be subtle, he calls it Jack. The lesson winds down and as the kids rush out he packs up his case. As usual a couple of the students are hovering around his table to ask questions about the assignment due at the end of the week. He likes to help, he likes to teach but right now he just wants to get home, sit on their couch, leaning on Spencer, his feet on Brendon's lap and curl up to watch a DVD - something Disney so he doesn't have to concentrate and he can listen to Brendon as he sings along.

Jon's waiting in the corridor for him and for a second he feels like a teenager surprised to actually see his boyfriend standing next to his locker waiting for him. Ryan feels like he should reach over and kiss Jon's cheek or take his hand to walk to the car. Instead Ryan just cocks his eyebrow and closes the door behind him while listening to the last student. Matt has been hovering at the back and has waited until all the other students have left. Ryan looks at him and he can tell that Matt's here about Ryan's other role - faculty representative on the GSA. He may have to hide Spencer but Brendon has always been common knowledge and when he became a permanent member of the faculty, no more year-to-year contracts, he started working with some of the students to set up a GSA in their school. It's the sixth year that he's been the representative and he's learnt to tell the signs of a student who wants to talk about something other than their assignments. Matt's looking over at Jon and then back to Ryan and in a second he's going to bolt.

"You can talk in front of Mr Walker, Matt," he says. There's a part of him that wishes he could be as bitchy as Spencer can in public; that he could say ‘he wants to date my husband: I don't think anything _you_ say could freak him out,' but he knows what it was like, being scared to talk to anyone, even Spencer at first, and how he was scared that if anyone knew, everyone would. "Or, he could meet me at the car like he said he would," Ryan's smiling at Jon as he says this.

"Sure," Jon says, "I'll just…" He points to the door and starts walking.

"Hey, catch." Ryan says and fishes his keys out of his pocket and throws them to Jon who catches. "I think Bren's Ipod is still plugged in if you want some music."

"Cool," Jon says and keeps walking.

Matt's question is actually simpler than it could be - he's curious about where he can find out information about safe sex and while the issue can be complex, Ryan has a pamphlet with a list of links to some of the reputable sites online.

Jon's sitting in the passenger seat tapping along to an old Rise Against track and he smiles when Ryan gets there. Ryan throws his satchel on the back seat and pulls out of the carpark. They don't say anything on the way home, running through one of Brendon's playlists and singing along.

+++  
14.

Ryan hadn't called to let anyone know that he was bringing Jon home and he realised that maybe he should have when Spencer stops kissing him and pulls away swiftly.

"Uh, hi," Jon says from a couple of steps behind him, closing the front door before joining them in the kitchen.

"Do you want a tea?" Spencer asks. Ryan nods and pulls one of the stools at the breakfast bar out. Spencer turns the kettle on and grabs three mugs down from the cupboard, putting first a teabag into each cup and then sugar, none in Ryan's, two each for Jon and himself.

"When's Brendon getting home?" Ryan asks, it's a Monday, so Brendon doesn't need to be at the club late. Most nights he comes home for dinner before going back out, except Monday's when the three of them throw on a DVD in the lounge or watch TV Tivoed over the last week. Jon's come over once or twice and they've been on their best behaviour: Spencer sitting on one of the side chairs with Jamie or Michael. When Jon's not there, and it's just family, Spencer ends up in a tangled mess with him and Brendon.

"He said he wouldn't be too late. I'm cooking pie. Are you staying Jon?" Spencer's still kind of tense and his movements are small and stiff trying not to brush into anyone's space. He's probably spent the whole day thinking about things so Ryan reaches over and places his hand on Spencer's hip to calm him. It's comfortable.

Jon's looking at him as if he's trying to gauge how to respond. Ryan's feeling a little bit tired by all of this and he says, "I invited you around to talk. Dinner's good and then we can send the boys off to watch Princess Bride or something. Although maybe we'll have to save that for Brendon." Ryan smirks. "Can you pass the milk?" Jon reaches into the fridge beside him and passes it over. The kettle's boiled and Spencer's already filled each of the cups. Ryan adds the milk and passes Jon his cup.

"I'd love to stay," Jon says to Spencer. "If there's enough?"

"Brendon always eats twice as much as the rest of us. If there isn't enough you can steal some of his." Spence grins over his coffee and then looks away as if he isn't sure he should be joking with them both. Ryan knows Spencer, knows that he's thinking that this is different, that this isn't in public where somebody is always watching what you do, that this is really the first time he's seeing Jon since everything happened.

Ryan's glad he's brought Jon home to see this, the domesticity of their life, and there's a bit of him, spiteful, that wants Jon to see Spencer broken like this too, to show him what he's done.

Jon's already seen more of their life than most - he's been invited into their home on nights when it should just be their family but it's always different, like they're holding something back from him. The boys know about Brendon and Ryan and Spencer, they know not to say anything to anyone and sometimes when Ryan's cautioning them Brendon calls him paranoid. It's just Ryan and Spencer know how to keep secrets, how sometimes if you don't want the world to fall in on you, you don't tell the whole truth about what's going on. Ryan knows that Brendon understands the need for secrecy out in the world - he grew up on a fundamentalist compound - he just doesn't understand that sometimes you need to make it safe at home too.

When Spencer had first brought Jamie home Spencer would end up sleeping alone, as often as not. He wanted to be there if Jamie woke up not used to the new house. Ryan had understood, even colluded with him but Brendon had been disappointed. Brendon liked sleeping between the both of them and they'd only been married a few months. As much as it had hurt to hear Spencer saying that maybe they didn't need him, Ryan could understand that it might seem easier if it was only two of them, any two of them.

Brendon comes home just as Ryan and Jon go to sit on the back porch. Spencer's still in the kitchen checking on the food and Ryan hears a yelp and then a thunk - Spencer's handy with a tea towel. Ryan sits at the table and Jon edges on to the porch seat when Brendon comes out bouncing and laughing at something Spencer says. He's holding a cake and knife which he puts on the table before kissing Ryan gently. He turns around and sees Jon - there's no surprise so Spencer obviously said something - and Ryan thinks, from the way Brendon pauses, that maybe Brendon's going to kiss Jon too. He doesn't, he just sits on the seat next to Jon, putting his arm across the back, resting against Jon's shoulders. For a second, Ryan's disappointed, it'd be quite hot to watch, and he's never said it but watching Brendon and Spencer make out on the couch can sometimes get him quite turned on.

"Cake, Ryan." Brendon says, pointing.

"Dinner, Brendon," he replies but goes to cut them pieces of the fruitcake. If Spencer let Brendon out of the kitchen with it, then the food wasn't going to be ready anytime soon. When he joins them Spencer holds his hand out and sits opposite Ryan, throwing his legs onto his. He raises an eyebrow but cuts him a slice then he puts the knife down and lays his hand on Spencer's ankle.

It's really no different than any other night they've ended up like this and for a second there's a moment of companionable silence watching the sunset, eating cake.

Of course it's Brendon who has to speak first to break the silence with his energy. He looks across at them and then back to Jon. He leans in, "Hey Jon, can I introduce to my husbands, Ryan and Spencer?" and like that it's actually completely in the open. Brendon's smiling like it's a joke and Jon's kind of looking like he's in awe of Brendon audacity, but it's Spencer's reaction - blushing, looking away and then just smiling in the way that only Spencer can - that makes Ryan finally get what Brendon's been trying to say to him for days. Ryan can see that it's not just him - them - wanting to own Spencer, it's that Spencer needs it too. He tightens his grip on Spencer's ankle and Spencer looks over at him and Ryan grins back. That's all it takes and everything is back to good between them, better even.

Ryan can tell that Jon doesn't know how to react - hell he's not quite sure himself - and he's about to say something when Brendon continues. "I don't know exactly what Spencer said to you, but we didn't mean to hide this. Well, not exactly. We're just so used to not saying anything. I'm sorry that I hadn't - that we hadn't told you what was going on."

Spencer shifts on his lap and puts his feet down to turn towards Jon. "Actually, I shouldn't have- "

"God, Spencer," Brendon cuts in, "yes, you totally should have." And Ryan's not the only one to gasp at that, and while he's frozen in that moment, Spencer stands up and flees across the porch. Brendon's standing, reaching to grab him before he leaves and Jon has just shifted back on the seat trying to make himself as small as possible.

"How could you?" Spencer says, not turning to face Brendon, to face any of them.

"Brendon," Ryan says. He's not sure where Brendon is going with this but he needs to remind him that they are all here.

"I mean," Brendon takes a breath, "that Jon is not about me or Ryan. I mean, that it's okay that you are in love with him too."

"Oh. My. God." Spencer is standing frozen and then flickers over to look at Jon before looking away. "Oh my God." He shakes Brendon off and goes back into the house closing the door behind him. Jon is just sitting there in shock and Ryan can see that Brendon is about to follow Spencer.

"Brendon, no." Ryan's standing up and rubbing his hands down his jeans. "Talk to Jon. Tell him about your family. Tell him about us. I'll go talk to Spencer."

Brendon rushes into things head first half the time and there isn't always a filter between what he's thinking and what he's going to say. And his heart _is_ in the right place. Ryan can even see what he was trying to do - everyone in one place, talking it all out - but Spencer feels guilty. He's been nervy and touchy all week trying to make it up to them and just rushing over the choices he is making isn't fair.

Ryan finds Spencer in the kitchen staring at the oven as the pie cooks. "So, Brendon, huh?" Spencer looks up at him and sighs, turning to lean back against the bench. They both know he didn't mean to be cruel but Spencer is hurting. "He's right, you know."

"What?" Spencer asks. He's breathing deeply as if he was going to break down and cry but didn't.

"You are in love with Jon." Ryan's not sure if he should say anything else or let Spencer think about it. He goes to grab enough plates out of the cupboard.

"I am, aren't I?" Spencer replies, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter with a tilt. "Fuck. I didn't mean to…"

"Well, it is Jon," Ryan says. There's a lot more that Ryan could say here, like that Jon's a kindred spirit and that even he's thought twice about him. He knows that it wasn't completely idle curiosity on Brendon's part that caused him to ask how Jon was in bed and that it had probably crossed both of their minds how hot it would be. He's been around Brendon long enough to know who he likes and who he wants to be actually around and if he didn't trust Jon none of them would be here having these conversations. Without Brendon, Jon wouldn't have been brought home more than once. Spencer and Jon wouldn't have started doing things together on the afternoons Brendon and Ryan snuck off: they wouldn't have thought to arrange playdates to play cards.

"You know, I don't think Brendon means for you to leave us for Jon or anything," Ryan continues. "Do you remember when he started taking you out after my chemo? He was kind of furtive about it with me like he was hiding something. He's been a bit like that with Jon. Like he's letting us court him."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Ryan leans back against the bench facing Spencer. It's unconscious but he mirrors the way Spencer stands. "I like Jon. I like you more. I won't give you up Spencer." Most of the time Spencer and he are kind of secondary to him and Brendon, or even Brendon and Spencer where the energy between them is mostly sexual. And at times when Spencer looks at him like that he gets why Brendon thinks it was worth them changing their relationship like this, to become even more to each other. He wants to take Spencer upstairs and fuck him but he can't, not right now, so he crosses over and puts his hands on either side of Spencer's hips and pulls him closer. Spencer ducks his head down and they kiss. It's rough and hard and he feel that Spencer wants him too - it's in the way that he drags his fingers up Ryan's arms, gripping and scratching.

The timer on the oven rings and they reluctantly pull apart. Spencer's grinning at him and licking his lips as if he can get every last taste. He turns to the oven as Ryan steps back and gets the pie out.

"So," Spencer says.

"So," Ryan replies grinning. "I think you're stuck with at least two of us."

"Good," Spencer replies and then says it with more certainty: "Good." He puts the pie on the counter to cool. "So, Jon. You think Brendon wants us to marry him?" Ryan hadn't ever said it so explicitly but yes, that's exactly what he's thinking so he just nods. "Well, I think you know what I think," Spencer says, "and I'm not sure that Jon's running away from us, so that leaves you. You know you never told me what convinced you that we were a good idea." Ryan can tell he's talking about the three of them, not just Ryan and Spencer.

"It was something Brendon said. Not about the whole being called to marry us thing. It was that we were already a family. He wasn't even thinking about what he was saying, but that clicked for me. You are my family. If there is a heaven I'd want to spend eternity with you there. It was a pretty easy choice when I thought of it like that."

"Sop," Spencer smiles at him and Ryan thinks he deserves to know more.

"I didn't think we'd ever have sex, you know. I thought it'd be you and Brendon, me and Brendon. It was pretty obvious when you guys had hooked up and I was just glad you would have each other. I didn't want to take that from you when I got well." Spencer goes to interrupt and Ryan puts his hand up. "No, I know you would have stopped and he would have too. I know that you both loved me that much but I could give you that Spencer. I know what you gave up to come home to us, to me. Do you think that, for even a second, I could begrudge you Brendon?"

"You know, I figured out recently that I've always kind of loved him. You just got there first," Spencer teases.

"I always win," Ryan grins. "Jon makes you happy, he's my best friend, Brendon thinks he rocks. It may not work but I think he's worth trying for."

+++  
15.

Brendon hasn't talked about his life like this in a long time, if ever. Ryan had picked it out of him, little by little and he assumes shared a lot of it with Spencer because he never really had to explain anything to him either, but Jon's a different story. He hasn't had years, like Spencer, or a courtship, like Ryan, where you tell each other every little secret, but Brendon knows that it's important to tell Jon, now, before he decides that they're all not worth waiting and working for.

So he tells him about being run off the compound when he was sixteen, about his mothers and his brothers and sisters and his father. About how it made it easier to accept that he liked boys better than girls when God had already given up on him. About the years trying to scrape together a living and then about meeting Ryan, and Spencer, and falling in love. And then, the cancer. It had nearly taken Ryan away from him and he just knew it was a sign that God wanted him back, wanted him to live within the teachings of the church in the best way he could. About not letting Spencer go when he could have gone back to touring because Spencer was a part of both Brendon and Ryan. And about the boys and taking them in.

Jon just sits there and listens, and he can understand what Spencer meant when he had said that being around Jon was really comforting, calming. Ryan pokes his head out the door, just as he's finishing up, to tell them that food is on the table, and Brendon stops and looks at Jon. "Are you okay with all of this?" he asks.

Jon nods, "Yeah. Wow. I knew you guys were a little bit odd." Brendon giggles, he's a little nervous, he admits it. He's putting a lot on the line by telling Jon all this because even if he hasn't said it explicitly, Jon has to be getting some idea of where all of this is going. They've pretty much put most of their cards on the table by now: Brendon and Ryan aren't giving Spencer up, they're not offering him an out by denying the marriage which most people wouldn't even call legal, and Brendon's the one who blurted Spencer's feelings. He knows Jon was listening and he knows Jon cares, that Spencer and Jon is mutual.

"Yes. Yes we are." Brendon says and he stands up, leaning over to give Jon a hand standing up. Brendon kind of wants to touch him, to just check that he's not totally freaked out, and when he puts his arm around Jon's shoulder to direct them inside, Jon doesn't shrink away. "Let's get food," Brendon says.

The boys are finishing setting the table as they come in and there are seven boys sitting around a table and Brendon feels like he's really home. He sits at the head with Ryan and Spencer on either side and then it's Jamie, Joseph, Michael and then Jon. He can tell that Jon's still a little shell-shocked by his story and he's not surprised that Jon took the seat next to Ryan, safer than the one next to Spencer. Brendon wonders if Jon realises that it means that he's going to have to spend the meal watching Spencer instead. Brendon wonders if he should say anything but Ryan had cornered him on their way in, telling Brendon that he had been a little cruel to Jon and Spencer.

"Who wants to say thanks?" Brendon asks after they've all grabbed each other's hands. Brendon thinks it's going to have to be him because Spencer and Ryan are avoiding looking at him, to sneak grins at each other. He wonders what they talked about in the kitchen because they are so back to normal that it's like the last week hadn't happened.

"Can I?" It's Michael who pipes up and Brendon nods. They all turn to Michael who goes on. "Thank you God for the food in front of us and for Uncle Spencer who cooked it. Thank you for bringing me to this family and thank you for the A on my English Essay." Michael's grinning and he has obviously saved up to tell them like this and Brendon is so proud. When Michael and Joseph had arrived they had both been behind on the curriculum set at the school they now went to. Spencer had been helping them and they had all worked hard to do so well.

Brendon squeezed Spencer's hand, happy for him as much as for Michael. "Congratulations, Michael. You've worked really hard for that." Everyone nods and murmurs congratulations and Spencer and Michael high five across the table.

"Anybody else got anything exciting they want to tell us about their day?" and for a second it's so normal that he's forgotten about Spencer and Jon until he notices the looks that Ryan and Spencer give him, glares mixed in with concern that he doesn't say anything in front of the boys or to embarrass Jon further. He coughs, "Well I had an interesting day." This time it's Ryan coughing and Spencer kicking him in the shin. "At work, at work." He looks across at Jon who's beginning to look amused at Ryan and Spencer's antics. "I think I might be able to get the club licensed for all-ages band nights." He's looking at Spencer as he says this because when Spencer talks about things he'd like to do, getting back into music is always at the top of his list. "I thought maybe you might want to help me out?"

"Uh, yeah." Spencer says, grinning at him and starting to serve the pie. "Any ideas of who you'd get to play?" The plates get passed up and down the table: pie, roast vegetables and mashed potato - it's a good meal.

"I thought maybe you'd know somebody who might be interested in doing our opening night." Brendon replies.

"Oh, maybe Phantom Planet might. They said they wanted to see more of Vegas," Jon interjects and Brendon watches as Spencer and Jon nervously look at each other. He knows Spencer, if he was going to deny being in love with Jon he would have done it earlier and so he's going to leave it there, something they all know about but won't act on. Brendon hopes that Ryan and Spencer talked about it. He and Jon pointedly hadn't. He's pretty sure that Jon is choosing not to believe it and Brendon's not sure how to convince him, how to let him know that he's cool with it without beginning to sound like he's trying pimp Spencer out. Which he's not. It's just Jon's hot and maybe right for them. If anything he's trying to slip Ryan and himself in with Spencer.

+++  
16.

Brendon takes the dishes out to the dishwasher after dinner and he's not really suprised to see Jon follow him into the kitchen to help. Usually he offers to help and they say, it's all right, it's the tax they pay for Spencer's cooking, but Brendon thinks maybe Jon isn't ready to be alone. Ryan's rifling through the cupboards grabbing M&M's, chips and a two litre bottle of coke. Michael and Joseph have glasses and Jamie's carrying Ryan's overflow - a container of cookies.

When Brendon and Jon finish with the dishes they got through to the lounge room where there's a picnic set out on the coffee table, easy access for everyone, and Spencer's flicking the remote at the T

"So, there are reruns of Buffy, CSI something, or that new horror show - you know where the vampire's a detective…" Spencer pauses as Ryan sniggers and kicks him gently, "Okay, okay. It's been done, but it must keep selling. Or one of you could crawl over to the DVD cabinet and grab something."

Brendon's sitting in between Jon and Ryan and he kicks up his feet so that Jon's trapped beneath him as Ryan leans on his shoulder. Ryan's not as physical as he is and when they first started dating he'd spent a lot of time acclimatising Ryan to random touches and flying hugs. Spencer likes to be touched but holds himself apart from other people, mostly. That was the first clue Brendon had gotten that showed that Jon might be important. Usually by the second movie Spencer will be curled up against Jon's side, whispering comments about the movie, about the costumes, about the actors, both of them giggling until Ryan gets frustrated enough to throw a pillow at Spencer's head.

They're not even sitting next to each other tonight, opposite sides of the room, three boys on the carpet, Brendon and Ryan between them.

"My art teacher says I should watch this," Michael says holding up a copy of Sin City 3.

"I don't remember that," Jon says, "and as your art teacher you think I would."

Brendon and Spencer have lines when it comes to what they'll let the boys watch. Spencer because he's worried about being a good parent and Brendon because he is trying to follow The Principle as well as he can - God gave him Ryan back. Joseph and Michael are with them on sufferance and if his sister, who chooses not to believe that he's actually sleeping with Ryan or Spencer, thought that it would be worse for them to living here than at the compound, they would be gone. Brendon likes having them here. He probably won't have children of his own - he tried having sex with women when he first left home but it wouldn't work and then he met Ryan, and Spencer, and there was no choice about who he would spend the rest of his life with.

"No," Spencer says and Brendon nods. "How about something you're allowed to watch, although good try on the art teacher angle. Jon's not that much of a sucker." Brendon sniggers and then catches Spencer's glare and Jon's blush and he shuts up. He mouths ‘sorry' at Spencer and pets Jon reassuringly.

They settle on one of the epic fantasy films that came out about five years ago - a remake of Conan the Barbarian, less Terminator, more grandiose CGI battle scenes.

When the film is over Spencer picks Jamie up, throwing him over his shoulder and takes him up for a bath and bed. Joseph has permission to stay and watch something else with them but he blushes before going to his room taking Michael to finish his homework.

Brendon leans over to Jon and mock-whispers, "Joseph's got a girlfriend. Spencer had to give him the birds and bees talk, cause Ryan and I couldn't." It's loud enough that Joseph yells back "Shut Up" at them. Brendon grins.

"Do either of you want some tea?" He turns to face Ryan know what the expression will be, "I'm having a refreshing herbal tea, no sneaky caffeine for me." He pokes his tongue out and turns back to Jon, "Tea?"

"Sure, want a hand?" Jon's about to get up when Ryan pulls him back.

"No, make him do it. He deserves it." Ryan raises his eyebrow and Brendon nods acknowledging that maybe he hadn't handled everything in the best way. "So, Jon are you enjoying Vegas?" Ryan asks and Brendon knows that's not meant for Jon but as a not-so-subtle hint for him to fuck off and bring them their tea.

"Sure," Jon says picking up quickly, "I like all the pretty lights."

Brendon's just adding milk to the cups when Spencer comes back downstairs and into the kitchen, bringing some glasses that had probably ended up in Michael's room.

"I'm sorry," Brendon says.

"I know," Spencer replies, "but you've made everything really awkward now." Spencer puts the glasses into the dishwasher and turns to face him. What were you expecting us to do, Bren? Admit our undying love for each other?"

"No, I -" Brendon tries to interrupt but Spencer just steamrolls over him.

"Did you ever think that maybe you were reading it all wrong? That maybe it was just sex?" Brendon can see over Spencer's shoulder and Jon's just standing there aghast. Ryan's behind him in place, running a hand down his shoulder and Spencer is just continuing, stepping forward to point at him. Ryan's gesturing with him to pay attention to Spencer and Brendon just knows that he's not wrong. It's not just sex.

"Maybe, you're right that you aren't enough for me. Maybe I'm tired of being a third wheel to you and Ryan. Ever think of that, Brendon?"

"No." Brendon just stands there looking at Spencer and then he watches as Spencer falls back into himself.

"I wasn't ready for that Brendon. Even if I am in love with him - and thanks for breaking my denial on that - I can't do anything about it. That wasn't just cruel to Jon, you know."

"But, Spencer, that's my whole point." And Brendon's not thinking about the fact that both Jon and Ryan are standing there listening, he's just trying to get through to Spencer. "You are in love with him, hell, we're all a little in love with him, and if he's okay with it neither Ryan or I are going to stop you dating or whatever." He glances over, trying not to look but Ryan's nodding and Jon's just standing there and Spencer turns suddenly catching sight of them.

"Don't I get any say in this?" Jon asks and it's pretty much the first thing Brendon's heard him say about it all night. Ryan hasn't removed his hand or moved and Jon has settled slightly into the touch. "I mean what if it was just a fuck for me?"

"I didn't…" Spencer whispers.

But Jon just continues, "what if I don't want any of this?"

It's Ryan who just quietly says, "You wouldn't be here."

Jon turns and looks at him defeated. "Yeah, Okay. But this isn't. I mean you're all making decisions for each other, for me. I mean what do you want? Brendon? Ryan? For you, not Spencer."

"I want this," Ryan says. "I want to come home and for you to be in the kitchen or the lounge room.I want to be able to talk at lunch about whatever crazy thing Brendon and Spence are doing at the club. I want our boys to grow up safer than I did, than Brendon did. I want it all." Ryan's gone quiet at that and Brendon nods his agreement.

"I'm over not having it all, too," Ryan continues quietly, "it's so hard worrying that it's not going to work out. Brendon has his faith, and Spencer his certainty, but you ground me, us. You make things real, Jon. You make things work. I want that."

+++  
17.

Spencer offers to drive Jon home. He can see Ryan looking at him pointedly after they've all watched an episode of The Mighty Boosh. Ryan had shuffled them back into the lounge room, put it on, and made them sit, with their teas and watch as if nothing life changing had just happened in their kitchen. Spencer kind of appreciates the sentiment, particularly when Brendon had curled up on the seat next to him holding his hand and giggling uncontrollably.

Jon's got school tomorrow and he knows that he has to take him home but instead of turning towards Jon's place he drives them to a cafe that's still going to be open at eleven in the night. "We should talk," he says and Jon just nods. Spencer buys them both a coffee and then sits in a booth next to the window. There's not really a view here but the traffic is still going past frequently as people come and go from Vegas, winning and losing their dreams. He doesn't know what made him lucky enough to be one of the winners, or at least he thinks he is. Jon still hasn't gone running.

"So, Brendon is right." Spencer says stirring the spoon in his cup. "I am a little bit in love with you." He's not really looking for a reaction from Jon but he thinks that after all Jon's been put through this weekend he deserves some honesty, well a lot of honesty really. "I like spending time with you. I would like to date you, but it's got to be with everything out in the open." When he looks up to glance at Jon he can see that patient look in his face that he always gets. Spencer knows that he's got to be thinking some pretty heavy thoughts at the moment, quietly, and while it's one of the things that he adores about Jon, right now he wants Jon to yell or scream, or to react in some way other than patiently sitting there.

He reaches out his hand and takes Jon's fingers in his. "What do you want, Jon?" he asks, and when Jon doesn't say anything, looks away, Spencer calls him on it. "It's not fair for you to confront Brendon and Ryan and then leave us all up in the air. If you want time, fine. Tell me you want time, tell us you want time. But don't just sit there and let us all flounder. None of this has been really fair but not talking about it makes it worse." Spencer just sits there for a second, then he pulls his hand away and grabs his coffee and takes a sip.

"Okay." Jon says. "I'm not sure. Is that Okay?" He sits back in his chair, stretching out to take up us much space as he can. "I like you all, right. But this is kind of sudden. I didn't have a clue until this weekend, and now I feel like Brendon's not just saying that it's okay to date you, which I think I get, but also that he wants me to become a part of your family." Jon leans forward and Spencer can see how restless he is. Maybe he shouldn't be doing this now. He's pretty sure, though that the best thing to do right now is to get us much as possible on the table, so that they can move forward.

"I kind of come as a package deal," Spencer says wryly. "But I don't think that he means you have to date him or Ryan. I think he means that dating me means that you'll be a part of our family. We don't want to hide us from you. If you're important enough for me to date, which you are, then you're important enough to know about us." Spencer moves the cup so that he's holding it in his hands. He doesn't feel like taking a sip, it's just nice to have something kind of solid to hold on to.

"So, you want to date, right?" Jon asks and Spencer nods. "Would I be able to call you my boyfriend?"

It's an odd question, and Spencer hasn't really thought about it's kind of right. "Yes, you could call me your boyfriend."

"What about Brendon and Ryan, would they be my boyfriends, too?"

Spencer hopes so because he has a feeling that Ryan's right, that Brendon has been getting them to court Jon, and that he would fit, already fits. "Only if you want to," is all he says. "Of course, you'd be in the same boat I am there, though," he says ironically, "you probably wouldn't be able to tell everybody about it. It's our kids, you know, and polygamy's still illegal..." He doesn't really have to go into all the reasons, Jon knows as well as he does that there are places where it would cause more trouble than it's worth, particularly with Brendon's religious views involved. They'd be in as much trouble with Brendon's family about the gay as they would be about the Mormon polygamy from everyone else.

"Okay." Jon says, "okay. We can date." Spencer smiles and reaches over to grab Jon's hand. "But," Jon continues, "I'm not sure about any of the rest of it, yet. We'll have to go slow, all right?"

Spencer looks at their hands entwined on the table and nods. This is better than he could have hoped after the way that he screwed up this weekend. He's in love, and he's pretty sure it's all going to work out all right. "Hey, wait. Go slow?" he asks. "Does that mean slow on the sex front, too? Because..."

Jon laughs at him and shakes his head. "No," Jon says, "I think that ship might have sailed."

"Cool," Spencer says and pulls Jon up out of his seat so that they're both standing really close together. Spencer reaches his arms around the back of Jon's neck and leans in, "because I think both Ryan and Brendon are probably hoping that I don't come home tonight, if you know what I mean." He cocks his eyebrow, hoping that he hasn't pushed it all too far. Jon smiles at him and then leans in to complete the kiss that Spencer had stepped in for.

+++  
EPILOGUE

Jon and Spencer get married at one of the Elvis Chapels along the strip. Everyone wears white but Spencer's suit has a rainbow of flowers embroidered into the seams and Brendon has spent hours teasing him about it. Ryan had just hit Brendon over the head and told him that Spencer's the bride and if he wants to wear flowers, he can have flowers. It had earned Ryan a glare instead.

Jon meets them there, Tom at his side as best man, and when he sees them all come through the door, his face lights up. The ceremony is over pretty quickly, quiet vows spoken and a third ring added to both his and Spencer's fingers. The real ceremony, the one between all four of them, had happened privately last week and this one is just so that Jon has something to share with his family in Chicago. It gives them photos that they can put up on the wall and it means that everyone in Vegas can see that Jon belongs in their family. It's the one that binds Spencer and Jon legally together and it means that at least one of his husbands will be able to come to the hospital if something happens to him.

Tom takes pictures, kitsch to blow up and put around the reception. There's one or two with just Jon and Spencer but mostly the four of them are falling all over each other to the amusement of the man in the Elvis suit and the staff at the Chapel. "Thank You Very Much," the Elvis says winking at them and pushing his glasses back, then pointing his finger at them as they leave. Brendon sniggers into Jon's shoulder.

The reception is held at the club, Alex DJ-ing, and everybody laughing and demanding that Jon and Spencer get out on the dance floor for their "bridal waltz". They only do it because Brendon and Ryan conspire to push them out into the middle for everyone to see. Jon grins at Spencer and they argue over who's going to lead until he just gives in and says that he doesn't mind being the girl. Everyone around them sniggers. Ryan and Brendon are next out onto the floor, and because they've closed the venue to the public so that the boys can come along, Joseph brings out his girlfriend. Greta pulls Michael up, her boyfriend smiling at her and Spencer's mom brings Jamie out to dance. In the end everyone in the club is out on the floor, dancing to odd pop songs from the nineties and two thousands. Spencer and Ryan are sitting on the edge of the stage, arms gently resting on each other, as Brendon and Jon try to out do each other bringing their sexy back.

They all leave at the same time, instead of Jon and Spencer first, with the excuse that they've all booked a flight to Florida, and Disney World, and that they may as well all go because they only get the chance to leave the boys with Spencer's Mom for a very good reason. They've managed to get a week to themselves, well the four of them, and they won't waste it.


End file.
